Why: A July Update

I think I managed to not ask why in May or June, but I've got something to ask about in July. It's not a big life-altering thing, just something I've wondered about for a while. 

Why do I get friend requests on Instagram and Goodreads from people that I don't know, that don't seem to be friends of friends, and that I haven't interacted with at all? Every so often on Instagram and probably three or more times each week on Goodreads, I'll get a friend request from someone that is a complete stranger. I always just delete them on Instagram. I haven't posted anything there myself for more than six months, and I'm really just there to look at pretty pictures of yarn and flowers. 

When this happens on Goodreads, I compare books with the person making the friend request, and if we seem to have similar tastes in reading or they write reviews that I appreciate, I will add them as a friend. But I shake my head in puzzlement when the person has zero books. 

Here's the most recent one. I've blocked out his name because I didn't feel right about sharing it, but I left his picture. No books, but there is one on his TBR. I thought that maybe he had been busy with other things and hadn't had a chance to read this year, but when I looked back at 2022 and 2021, he had read zero books during both of those years, too!

By then I decided that I had spent too much time on this and just deleted him, but I still can't help wondering why. Why does a person who is not a reader send friend requests to strangers on a book-related website? What does he stand to gain if I would add him as a friend? Is he going to overwhelm my email with spam? Try to get me to invest in his latest can't-lose venture? Is he just lonely and has resorted to trying to find friends someplace where the return is going to be very low? Do you guys get these odd requests from strangers? Tell me why!

Why: An April Update

I didn't have much to say about my word this month, but I remedied that in an afternoon yesterday. Kat mentioned listening to Brené Brown's The Power of Vulnerability and found it so helpful that she listened to it twice. I'm not much for what I view as self-help books, and I've always discounted Brené Brown. For some reason, I found her irritating and preachy, with simplistic claims that seemed like pop psychology to me. I've only ever listened to five minutes of one of her TED talks, so I had to ask myself why was I so against her?

A good place to start answering my own question was by downloading The Power of Vulnerability from Hoopla and listening to what Dr. Brené Brown had to say. And while I can't say I'm a complete convert, at least I'm no longer judging without any basis. I think that what I objected to most was that although she is a research professor at the University of Houston, her research seems so based on qualitative anecdotes. I think that she may be discounting the social, cultural, and economic factors that are important in so many lives, and offering easy solutions filled with jargon and buzzwords.

But while all that may still be true, I am willing to admit that she may be onto something. I have certainly felt shame and understand the feeling of not being enough. If her teachings give someone some hope, some glimmers of self-awareness, and a new way to look at things, those are not bad things. 

“No one reaches out to you for compassion or empathy so you can teach them how to behave better. They reach out to us because they believe in our capacity to know our darkness well enough to sit in the dark with them.” (We could all practice this!)

I may even listen to more of her books (she does tell good stories and she's relatively easy to listen to) and I might become a convert someday. It might not be soon, but at least I'm no longer guilty of making a snobby judgment of something I know nothing about. Asking why is a good thing and you might even learn a thing or two!

Why : A March Update

“Curiosity is not a sin ... But we should exercise caution with our curiosity ... yes, indeed.”

-- Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This month I've been questioning why I do things and behave the way I do, but I've also noticed that it's very easy for me to get bogged down in thinking and not move forward with action. How easy it is to wonder why I feel compelled to wash a few dirty dishes in the sink instead of waiting until there are more and doing the job efficiently, and why I often consider others' needs before my own (usually to my own detriment). The thing that aggravated me on Saturday was my own procrastination and wasting several hours when I needed to grocery shop, and then I was further irritated with myself because I ended up shopping when it was crowded, I had to carry the groceries inside in the pouring rain and then ended up having to mop the kitchen floor afterward because I tracked mud in while carrying groceries to the kitchen. It sounds silly now, but this put me in a poor mood for much of the rest of the day.

It's much harder to stop wondering why, even if I haven't arrived at an answer to the question, and simply take some definitive action. If I just do something different, I can evaluate my actions and sometimes it will even become a better habit (like not wasting water doing just a few dishes and instead doing them in two or three batches). I know why I procrastinate grocery shopping (it's a chore I really, really dislike) so my goal for the next month is to figure out ways to conquer my procrastination. This one is a bit tougher; wish me luck!

Why: A February Update

I spent much of February "getting comfortable with my word", asking why about why. I ask myself why many times each day, sometimes about small things like why Fels-Naptha soap is called that (because it originally contained naptha which is another word for the carcinogen benzene, no longer in the soap) and sometimes about bigger things. These bigger things include what I want my remaining years to look like and what I have to do to make that happen, and wondering why other people significant in my life might be acting in certain ways and the best way for me to respond in turn.

The thing that has guided me most this month has been a quote from Albert Einstein: "The important thing is not to stop questioning; curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when contemplating the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of the mystery every day. The important thing is not to stop questioning; never lose a holy curiosity."

--from statement to William Miller, as quoted in LIFE magazine (2 May 1955).

So I'm going to keep trying to comprehend a little of the mystery each day, and I hope you are, too. 

Why Again

I posted before about wondering whether I should choose a word this year when I've been spectacularly unsuccessful at doing anything with my chosen word in the past. I thought I might need a plan about what to do with my word once I made a choice, and I was very leary of journaling, scrapbooking, and buying "stuff" that might go with One Little Word.

But so many of you left comments about how choosing a word was helpful to you throughout the year, and quite a few of you have done this for multiple years. I've been thinking about this for almost three weeks and have decided to give it a try. Why not? 

So I've chosen Why as my word. Kat suggested this in a comment (thank you!) and that helped to clarify my decision. I can't promise I'll post monthly about my word, and I doubt that I'll be journaling or following prompts, but I do think this might prove to be a fun word this year. I'm a naturally curious person, I wonder why about a lot of things, and it may help me to question why I behave the way I do or do things in certain ways. Questioning my behavior may lead me to change some of my behaviors. I also think I might learn a few things along the way. My mother always said I asked why too much, and it may be even more this year.

Why?

I have a rather poor relationship with choosing One Little Word. I looked back through my blog and was quite surprised to find that I have actually chosen words for five years. 

2015 - Light

2018 - Enough

2019 - Patience, but then changed to Balance

2020 - Focus

2021 - Well

In the past, I've picked a word but then I'm at a loss about what to do with it. I'm not much of a journaler, scrapbooker, or documenter, and I've never been one to follow prompts, make vision boards, or buy "stuff" to enhance my relationship with my word. 

I've been thinking about picking a word once again this year, but before I even get to the choice part of the process, I've been thinking a lot about why should I choose a word? How will this provide a benefit, enhance my daily life, help me develop better habits, or minimize bad habits? Are there other benefits I'm not even considering?

I have found a few articles that might help answer that question, one of the most helpful was surprisingly from the  AARP. I especially liked this reasoning: "Picking a word of the year can bring clarity and focus to who we want to become and what we want to accomplish in life. A carefully chosen word is a type of mental mentor — something to help us stay motivated as we move toward our goals in 2023." I could certainly use a "mental mentor" so I am beginning to see some reasons why choosing a word might be helpful. 

I stumbled upon a book while browsing at the library, and even though it's pretty far from my usual literary fiction, I checked it out. Thursdays at Eight by Debbie Macomber is the story of four different women who come together through a journal-writing class, and they each choose a word that helps them deal with the unexpected directions their lives are taking. It's chick-lit, but I don't absolutely hate it, and there's even some knitting in it. Oftentimes reading helps me get a better handle on things I'm questioning, so I'm going to see if this book helps me answer the question as to why I might want to choose a word. 

If any of you have any basic ideas about why choosing a word might be a good thing, I'd love to hear them! I have read, enjoyed, and benefited from many of your One Little Word posts, so I don't doubt that it can be a valuable thing. I'm still a little on the fence if it can be a valuable thing for me, so I'll take any help I can get. Thanks in advance!

Focus in Focus

I haven't written a post about my one little word since July, but that doesn't mean that I have not been practicing and trying to put it into action. Now that it's December 1, I figured it was definitely time to focus on my word (focus).

I chose the word last January after reading a post from Kym that contained this now-famous (to me, anyway) diagram: 

Balance ==> Focus ==> Intention. I felt like I really needed some focus in my life, and having chosen balance in 2019, this seemed a logical progression. But I struggled ... with my chosen word and so many other things this year. I suspect that most people felt the same way, and in March I wrote about making the effort to focus once again after ignoring my word for several months:

I'm going to make a return to Focus. It may be just a little, but I am making the effort. I am going to focus on meditation, mopping the kitchen floor, holding those dear to me along with some good friends close to my heart and in my thoughts, taking a walk even though the weather is poor, and maybe even some knitting tonight. That is enough for now. It will have to be because it's all I've got. 

Finally, in June, something clicked:

Like breath during meditation, Focus isn't something you attain and you are able to focus happily ever after once it's achieved. Some days and some months have made it feel almost impossible, but each time I am reminded of Focus, during daily meditations, asking myself "Is this how I want to be spending my time?", I can re-focus and calm my unsettled monkey mind.

It didn't hurt that I was diagnosed with depression in June and began talking to a counselor. Things have honestly been better since then. Even in the midst of a pandemic, feeling fear for the loss of work, experiencing the pain of kidney stones, worry for my own health and that of loved ones, and desperately missing friends and beloved family members, I can still feel some hope, and that makes it easier to focus. I think the most helpful tool for me has been daily meditation since June. It's become enough of a habit that I do it even on days that I don't really want to. I've used the 10% Happier app, but there are many other resources available. There is even a meditation from one of my favorite teachers, Jeff Warren, entitled "meditating even when you don't feel like it". 

“I cannot say this frequently enough: the goal is not to clear your mind but to focus your mind—for a few nanoseconds at a time—and whenever you become distracted, just start again. Getting lost and starting over is not failing at meditation, it is succeeding.”
~Jeff Warren

So I'm not sure where focus will lead me or what word I'll choose for next year, but I do know that I've learned a lot from focus this year (even after ignoring it for many months!) and feel confident that I'll continue to learn in the future.

Please visit Honoré to read what she and others have shared about their words.

One Little Word in July

I was trying to think of what photo I could use to go along with this post about Focus, and I decided that these things I grabbed from my bedside table might work. Here's what I've been focusing on in July:

• Reading - poetry and that wonderful Hal Borland book, Twelve Moons of the Year. This is a book that Vera recommended and I'm so glad she did. It's a collection of Borland's nature editorials from the NYT, one for every day of the year. I've been reading one each day, and just that simple act focuses and grounds me. I've also got two great books on my Kindle, The Pull of the Stars and Here in the Real World that I'm finding real pleasure and focus in reading.

• My Health - I've had some issues but have also been focused on doing what I can to improve them. I used to think that pill containers were only for "old people" but call me old because my pill minder and alarms on my phone are keeping me on track. 

• My Switch Lite - I have to include that because it's so easy (and fun) to focus on Animal Crossing. It gives me a way to connect with Ryan as we can visit each other's islands, fish together, and be happy for each other when we catch coelacanths and mahi-mahi. 

• I don't have a good way to include meditation in the photo, but that is really what has been keeping me focused throughout this month. A friend gave me the Ten Percent Happier app as a birthday gift, and it has been one of the best gifts I've received. I have meditated every day, and it's beginning to have some positive effects on my life, with increased focus, more patience, better sleep, and fewer morbid thoughts and days when I just don't care. They are currently running a Summer Sanity Challenge and you can try the app for free if you are interested. We each have to find what works best for us, but this is working for me and I intend to keep focusing my energies on meditation (and in turn, meditation is helping my focus)!

Please visit Honoré to read what she and others have shared about their words.

One Little Word: It's The End of June Already!

When I first thought about writing an update for my word, I had to try and remember what word I had even chosen for 2020 (and search posts back to March to find out what it was.) That gives you a pretty good picture of how things have been going with Focus. 

The pandemic has made the months since March an especially hard time for me to focus, and I think that might be the way that many others are also feeling. But there is a very valuable lesson in that, too. Like breath during meditation, Focus isn't something you attain and you are able to focus happily ever after once it's achieved. Some days and some months have made it feel almost impossible, but each time I am reminded of Focus, during daily meditations, asking myself "Is this how I want to be spending my time?", and (hopefully) monthly blog check-ins, I can re-focus and calm my unsettled monkey mind. (And stop throwing stones at every dog that barks.)

Please visit Honoré to read what she and others have shared about their words. 

Looking for Focus

I wasn't going to write a One Little Word post today, mainly because I have been such a failure at Focus. I have left my poor little word sitting by the wayside. I have no focus. Sometimes not even enough to know what day it is, since each day is just like the others preceding it, and all I can see is more misery and climbing numbers in the days ahead. 

This is how I have treated poor Focus. I think I have been waiting for it to magically return instead of making a concerted effort to focus even a little bit, on Focus. After reading your One Little Word posts this morning I've been inspired by your efforts, struggles, and honesty in dealing with your own words. 

So thank you. Starting right now, I'm going to make a return to Focus. It may be just a little, but I am making the effort. Today is Tuesday. I am going to focus on meditation, mopping the kitchen floor, holding those dear to me along with some good friends close to my heart and in my thoughts, taking a walk even though the weather is poor, and maybe even some knitting tonight. That is enough for now. It will have to be because it's all I've got. 

Now, please go visit Honoré and see how others are doing. 

Sometimes Monday ...

... is a good day to choose a word. My one little word for 2020 is

How handy for me that Justin's girlfriend drives a Ford Focus!

For me, this is a logical progression after exploring Balance in 2019. It was a real aha! moment when I read an extraordinary post from Kym and it became clear to me that I needed to change my word to Balance. I paid attention to regaining and remaining in balance throughout most of the year, and it has been life-changing.

Kym's diagram Balance ==> Focus ==> Intention seems so well-reasoned and logical to me that Focus was my obvious choice this year. (Guess what my word will be next year?!) I'm looking forward to putting Focus into action, but I'm also not quite ready to let go of Balance. (I'm not sure I ever will be.) So while I intend to explore Focus, I also want to make sure that I continue to maintain an equilibrium between work and leisure, fun and serious, physical activity and rest, thoughtful consideration and spontaneity. I'm recommitting myself to daily meditation, which I know will help with both Balance and Focus.

Exploring things almost always begins with books for me, so I am reading Indistractable by Nir Eyal, and I have several other books in my Focus queue. I feel like I'm off to a good (and focused!) start. I hope to join Honoré on the last Tuesday of the month and hope you will, too, to share and read where others' words are leading them.

I'll leave you with a quote that explains why I think a bit of focus might be a good thing for the whole world:
The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we shall have for destruction.
― Rachel Carson

Balance

Balance has been a bit difficult to focus on recently, but that is exactly when it is most important to try. Paying attention to nature and poetry has helped me to regain some balance, and sometimes I'm even rewarded with candy luminous edible spry pinks shy skies.

Reading and educating myself about others in different circumstances than the lucky ones I find myself in also helps in maintaining balance. I hope you'll stay tuned over the next four Tuesdays because Kym will begin our first Read With Us discussion of Just Mercy (the first third of the book) next Tuesday, November 5th. I'll be continuing the conversation on November 12th, and Carole will be wrapping up the discussion on November 19th. Kym will be back with a summary on November 26th, so there are going to be plenty of opportunities for your comments, thoughts, opinions, and questions. We value your input and really hope you'll join in and Read With Us!

Joining Juliann. 

Balance in May

This last Tuesday of the month is time to talk about my progress with my one little word. As I explore the ups and downs of balance, I've learned a few new things about balance this month. 

One of the things I've learned is that balance includes plenty of gratitude. Honore was kind, thoughtful, and generous and sent me this lovely reminder. Justin thought it would useful in several ways, both when I was feeling out of kilter or off balance:

and a beautiful sign when I had gotten myself back into balance. 

Either way, I love it and thank you, Honore, for your help in my quest to achieve balance!

I've been practicing meditation daily as a way to maintain a sense of balance, and this has been helpful, but I've also begun feeling and listening to my breath throughout the day whenever I want to let go of mounting stress and focus on mindfulness. Poetry, stillness, gratitude, meditation, and breathing are all going a long way towards helping me find my own best ways of being balanced. 

Balance in April

Joining Juliann and friends on this last Tuesday of the month to talk about my one little word. As I explore the ups and downs of balance, I've learned something new this month. For me, living a balanced life includes poetry. I've read poetry before, but somehow I've really begun to take it to heart. In the hands of a skilled poet, simple words can help me to explore, express, and clarify what I'm feeling. A good poem can become a sort of mantra that I carry with me, can help me get through the bad times, and celebrate the good times.

I think much of this new appreciation of poetry is due to the poems and poets Kym shared during April. One of my new favorites is Balance by Jane Hirshfield and I was so taken with Good Bones by Maggie Smith that I bought the book and have been reading it, carefully savoring. Here's one I want to share:

Stonefish

There are fish in the black trenches
of the sea that look like rocks.
Their poison shouldn't trouble me.
They are so deep, we'll never touch.
But I think of them. If it is paranoid
to believe there is a trench in me
the doctors haven't dragged,
a cave no one's plumbed with light,
then fine, I'm paranoid. But whatever
plaques and tangles, whatever cells
wait deadly with their terrible hunger
must be disguised. You should know
the most venomous fish lives
in the shallows. It also looks like a rock.

Good Bones, published by Tupelo Press in 2017. Copyright Maggie Smith.

Thank you, Kym, for helping me see how much poetry can help in balancing my life, and exposing me to poems and poets who do it so well!

Which Little Word?

In the beginning of 2019, I had chosen Patience as my One Little Word, but then I read Kym's extraordinary post at the end of January and it felt like an important moment. I thought about it for ten minutes before finally realizing that I had to change my word. Kym's logic and reasoning for choosing Intention as her word this year made so much sense to me, but it was really her simple diagram that showed me why I needed to change my word to Balance:

Balance ==> Focus ==> Intention

This is such a logical progression, but you have to start with Balance. Everything starts with Balance! Right now, I feel quite unbalanced after several years of my father being sick and spending quite a bit of time contributing to the care, help, and transport that he needed, his death in 2018, buying the house in MD, traveling back and forth between NJ and MD, and the death of my mother-in-law last month. I desperately need to feel like I am living a life in balance again, but I know that has not been the case for several years, maybe even longer. I would love to "jump ahead" to focus or intention, but I know that's not what I need. So Balance it is, equilibrium between work and leisure, fun and serious, physical activity and rest, thoughtful consideration and spontaneity.

So far, my actions have been mainly questioning, reading, and thinking about Balance - what it is, what it might mean to me in my own circumstances, what it looks like to lead a balanced life, and trying to practice small steps towards Balance. It will be a slow process, but I think that by the end of the year, I might be able to place myself in the photo of a Life in Balance.

I am joining Juliann and hope you will, too, to read where others' words are leading them.

One Little Word

Patience. I wish I had some. So that will be my One Little Word for 2019. I carried lots of other words around with me during the past few weeks, but patience was always there, quietly whispering that if I could act with more patience, that could lead to more generosity, understanding, trust, acceptance, connection, peace ... the possibilities seem boundless.

Thanks to Juliann, I hope to do and explore more with my word than I have in past years. I look forward to reading more of your words today and throughout the year on the last Tuesday of each month. Happy New Year and I hope your chosen words guide and challenge you throughout 2019.