Why: A July Update

I think I managed to not ask why in May or June, but I've got something to ask about in July. It's not a big life-altering thing, just something I've wondered about for a while. 

Why do I get friend requests on Instagram and Goodreads from people that I don't know, that don't seem to be friends of friends, and that I haven't interacted with at all? Every so often on Instagram and probably three or more times each week on Goodreads, I'll get a friend request from someone that is a complete stranger. I always just delete them on Instagram. I haven't posted anything there myself for more than six months, and I'm really just there to look at pretty pictures of yarn and flowers. 

When this happens on Goodreads, I compare books with the person making the friend request, and if we seem to have similar tastes in reading or they write reviews that I appreciate, I will add them as a friend. But I shake my head in puzzlement when the person has zero books. 

Here's the most recent one. I've blocked out his name because I didn't feel right about sharing it, but I left his picture. No books, but there is one on his TBR. I thought that maybe he had been busy with other things and hadn't had a chance to read this year, but when I looked back at 2022 and 2021, he had read zero books during both of those years, too!

By then I decided that I had spent too much time on this and just deleted him, but I still can't help wondering why. Why does a person who is not a reader send friend requests to strangers on a book-related website? What does he stand to gain if I would add him as a friend? Is he going to overwhelm my email with spam? Try to get me to invest in his latest can't-lose venture? Is he just lonely and has resorted to trying to find friends someplace where the return is going to be very low? Do you guys get these odd requests from strangers? Tell me why!

Why: An April Update

I didn't have much to say about my word this month, but I remedied that in an afternoon yesterday. Kat mentioned listening to Brené Brown's The Power of Vulnerability and found it so helpful that she listened to it twice. I'm not much for what I view as self-help books, and I've always discounted Brené Brown. For some reason, I found her irritating and preachy, with simplistic claims that seemed like pop psychology to me. I've only ever listened to five minutes of one of her TED talks, so I had to ask myself why was I so against her?

A good place to start answering my own question was by downloading The Power of Vulnerability from Hoopla and listening to what Dr. Brené Brown had to say. And while I can't say I'm a complete convert, at least I'm no longer judging without any basis. I think that what I objected to most was that although she is a research professor at the University of Houston, her research seems so based on qualitative anecdotes. I think that she may be discounting the social, cultural, and economic factors that are important in so many lives, and offering easy solutions filled with jargon and buzzwords.

But while all that may still be true, I am willing to admit that she may be onto something. I have certainly felt shame and understand the feeling of not being enough. If her teachings give someone some hope, some glimmers of self-awareness, and a new way to look at things, those are not bad things. 

“No one reaches out to you for compassion or empathy so you can teach them how to behave better. They reach out to us because they believe in our capacity to know our darkness well enough to sit in the dark with them.” (We could all practice this!)

I may even listen to more of her books (she does tell good stories and she's relatively easy to listen to) and I might become a convert someday. It might not be soon, but at least I'm no longer guilty of making a snobby judgment of something I know nothing about. Asking why is a good thing and you might even learn a thing or two!

Why : A March Update

“Curiosity is not a sin ... But we should exercise caution with our curiosity ... yes, indeed.”

-- Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

This month I've been questioning why I do things and behave the way I do, but I've also noticed that it's very easy for me to get bogged down in thinking and not move forward with action. How easy it is to wonder why I feel compelled to wash a few dirty dishes in the sink instead of waiting until there are more and doing the job efficiently, and why I often consider others' needs before my own (usually to my own detriment). The thing that aggravated me on Saturday was my own procrastination and wasting several hours when I needed to grocery shop, and then I was further irritated with myself because I ended up shopping when it was crowded, I had to carry the groceries inside in the pouring rain and then ended up having to mop the kitchen floor afterward because I tracked mud in while carrying groceries to the kitchen. It sounds silly now, but this put me in a poor mood for much of the rest of the day.

It's much harder to stop wondering why, even if I haven't arrived at an answer to the question, and simply take some definitive action. If I just do something different, I can evaluate my actions and sometimes it will even become a better habit (like not wasting water doing just a few dishes and instead doing them in two or three batches). I know why I procrastinate grocery shopping (it's a chore I really, really dislike) so my goal for the next month is to figure out ways to conquer my procrastination. This one is a bit tougher; wish me luck!

Why: A February Update

I spent much of February "getting comfortable with my word", asking why about why. I ask myself why many times each day, sometimes about small things like why Fels-Naptha soap is called that (because it originally contained naptha which is another word for the carcinogen benzene, no longer in the soap) and sometimes about bigger things. These bigger things include what I want my remaining years to look like and what I have to do to make that happen, and wondering why other people significant in my life might be acting in certain ways and the best way for me to respond in turn.

The thing that has guided me most this month has been a quote from Albert Einstein: "The important thing is not to stop questioning; curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when contemplating the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of the mystery every day. The important thing is not to stop questioning; never lose a holy curiosity."

--from statement to William Miller, as quoted in LIFE magazine (2 May 1955).

So I'm going to keep trying to comprehend a little of the mystery each day, and I hope you are, too. 

Why Again

I posted before about wondering whether I should choose a word this year when I've been spectacularly unsuccessful at doing anything with my chosen word in the past. I thought I might need a plan about what to do with my word once I made a choice, and I was very leary of journaling, scrapbooking, and buying "stuff" that might go with One Little Word.

But so many of you left comments about how choosing a word was helpful to you throughout the year, and quite a few of you have done this for multiple years. I've been thinking about this for almost three weeks and have decided to give it a try. Why not? 

So I've chosen Why as my word. Kat suggested this in a comment (thank you!) and that helped to clarify my decision. I can't promise I'll post monthly about my word, and I doubt that I'll be journaling or following prompts, but I do think this might prove to be a fun word this year. I'm a naturally curious person, I wonder why about a lot of things, and it may help me to question why I behave the way I do or do things in certain ways. Questioning my behavior may lead me to change some of my behaviors. I also think I might learn a few things along the way. My mother always said I asked why too much, and it may be even more this year.

Why?

I have a rather poor relationship with choosing One Little Word. I looked back through my blog and was quite surprised to find that I have actually chosen words for five years. 

2015 - Light

2018 - Enough

2019 - Patience, but then changed to Balance

2020 - Focus

2021 - Well

In the past, I've picked a word but then I'm at a loss about what to do with it. I'm not much of a journaler, scrapbooker, or documenter, and I've never been one to follow prompts, make vision boards, or buy "stuff" to enhance my relationship with my word. 

I've been thinking about picking a word once again this year, but before I even get to the choice part of the process, I've been thinking a lot about why should I choose a word? How will this provide a benefit, enhance my daily life, help me develop better habits, or minimize bad habits? Are there other benefits I'm not even considering?

I have found a few articles that might help answer that question, one of the most helpful was surprisingly from the  AARP. I especially liked this reasoning: "Picking a word of the year can bring clarity and focus to who we want to become and what we want to accomplish in life. A carefully chosen word is a type of mental mentor — something to help us stay motivated as we move toward our goals in 2023." I could certainly use a "mental mentor" so I am beginning to see some reasons why choosing a word might be helpful. 

I stumbled upon a book while browsing at the library, and even though it's pretty far from my usual literary fiction, I checked it out. Thursdays at Eight by Debbie Macomber is the story of four different women who come together through a journal-writing class, and they each choose a word that helps them deal with the unexpected directions their lives are taking. It's chick-lit, but I don't absolutely hate it, and there's even some knitting in it. Oftentimes reading helps me get a better handle on things I'm questioning, so I'm going to see if this book helps me answer the question as to why I might want to choose a word. 

If any of you have any basic ideas about why choosing a word might be a good thing, I'd love to hear them! I have read, enjoyed, and benefited from many of your One Little Word posts, so I don't doubt that it can be a valuable thing. I'm still a little on the fence if it can be a valuable thing for me, so I'll take any help I can get. Thanks in advance!