The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.
I love it! Making lanyards must be a universal memory for people of my generation, but I didn't make one for my mother. I had lanyards for everything, my skate keys, house keys, etc. Maybe future needle workers of all kinds first made lanyards, LOL. Billy is right, we can never repay our mothers for what they did for us.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I ever made a lanyard! I do have a piece that Colin made (day care? summer camp? I can't remember) out of yarn and I use it as a favorite bookmark. Picking a Billy Collins poem every month would be fine with me! (And, sorry I forgot it is the 3rd Thursday and I need to scurry around before going to watch Iris. I'll try to remember in September!)
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of all the little gifts my kids made for me... they are treasures, each and every one. I think I might have even gotten a lanyard or two! Oh, Billy... I would love to hear your mom write a poem about her delight at receiving a lanyard that a counselor helped you make... I bet she would classify it the greatest gift she ever received!
ReplyDeleteOh, this took me back! I have no memory of what I did with the dozens of lanyards I made at summer camp, but he makes an excellent point that there is no gift that can fully repay a mother for birthing and raising you. Still, as a mother, receiving something my child made for me? Priceless.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, please continue sharing any and all poems by Billy Collins that inspire you! He is one of my all-time favorite poets, and there is never "too much" when it comes to the words and insight of Mr. Collins. And second of all, YES to The Lanyard as Art Form! I spent many a happy hour designing and crafting lanyards for my mother -- and others in my family as well -- during summer-rec programs as a child. Thanks for the memories.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I am crying... tears streaming. What a wonderful poem.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think making lanyards is like riding a bicycle... you just never forget!
I love this one so much. Lanyards!
ReplyDeleteI never went to camp. I never made a lanyard but I have all the postcards my mother wrote to her mother begging her to come and get her and bring her home. I think I would have been a better person if I had gone to camp at least once but I guess my mother was so scarred from her yearly incarcerations that she wouldn't even consider it for us.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you missed anything crucial by not going to camp, except maybe singing John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt and making sit-upons at Girls Scout camp. If you ever feel like making a lanyard, there's always youtube.
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