I've taken my virtual fountain pen in hand this week to ask a few questions, write a thank you, and request a long-lost recipe. Let's open the mail ...
Dear Walmart,
I've been increasingly unhappy with my local grocery store, due to shortages and roaming robots, so I decided to try shopping here. I was very surprised to walk in and see four or five empty sets of shelves at the front of the store. Color me curious! What will you be stocking here on this prime real estate? The attached papers are all about Christmas candy, but I really wonder if there is enough Christmas candy to fill this whole area. If you would like some ideas, I would suggest nice yarn (not that Red Heart stuff you already carry), good books, and maybe some Christmas cactuses in different colors. (You can skip the poinsettias.) I will be back in the next couple of weeks to see if you've taken any of my suggestions.
======
Dear Walmart again,
Fireworks were not among my suggestions. Why are you selling these in early November? Getting rid of extra Fourth of July stock? For use on New Year's Eve? Did I miss the news that encouraged a new trend of shooting off fireworks for Thanksgiving? Retail stores are often way ahead of the calendar in holiday celebrations, but between so many empty shelves and fireworks right around the corner, you really have me puzzled. I am glad to see that you have safety in mind with the age requirement and No Smoking sign.
======
This is the same stretch of road that I took a picture of last week, except the hundreds of political signs have been cleared. And I took this picture just one day after Election Day, so I am pleased and quite surprised. I don't know if you had your campaign elves out on Tuesday night or someone else cleaned things up after all the excitement was over, but thank you!
P.S. I am not extending my thanks to Jack. He still has plenty of signs scattered around town, and the winner of the NJ gubernatorial race is still not officially called, three days after the election. The last time this happened in NJ in 1981, it took almost a month to declare a winner, but every vote, in-person, provisional, and mail-in, needs to be counted. (I really, really hope it's not Jack.)
======
Dear Woman's World,
You have provided me with checkout line entertainment for many years, and this week was no exception. I was so tempted to buy a copy to find out the sock secret that reverses aging, what to do 5x with my thumb to erase my double chin, and of course, the article that would help me lose a totally believable 16 pounds a week. What I really wish is that I had bought the issue that had the Magic Weight Loss cookie recipe in it. Justin and I were in the checkout line together many years ago. I don't remember his exact age, but he was old enough to read by himself. He called my attention to the magazine and loudly announced that I should get it so I could make those Magic Weight Loss cookies. Alas, I did not, and I have regretted it ever since. Any chance you could send me that recipe? All the other cookies I've made have not seemed to promote Magic Weight Loss, but I look forward to receiving your magical recipe.
======
Wishing everyone a good weekend, complete with fireworks and maybe even Magic Weight Loss Cookies!
That damn roaming robot is just the WORST. They put googly eyes on ours. Can you say uber creepy?
ReplyDeleteI noticed Jack doesn't have his surname in the sign. I guess Jack Ass *probably* wouldn't bring in the votes.
Those weight loss cookies, don't by any chance, have Ex-Lax chips, do they?
LOL - these are great Bonny! Love the no smoking sign by the fireworks...like you could smoke in a store anyway...and weight loss cookies - YUM!! Political signs around here are still up...makes me CRAZY!
ReplyDeleteI am giggling about the magic weight loss cookies! I'm guessing they contain a lot of Metamucil?
ReplyDeleteOn my walk the day after Election Day, I noticed that all the Democratic signs were gone. I guess we know which party is more responsible in this area.
Oh, and I meant to add that someone at the end of our street was setting off fireworks last night. We have no idea why, but maybe there's something related to fireworks we're all missing?
DeleteWe do NOT have any of those creepy roaming robots in our grocery stores . . . although I think it's only a matter of time. (Lauren just told us her brother got a new AI job at a company near Detroit that MAKES them. . . ) I love your letters, Bonny. And I so wish you'd have picked up the Magic Weight Loss cookie recipe all those years ago. (Although it's not too late for me to pick up this most recent issue. I'm dying to know about the amazing 5 things my thumbs could do to rid myself of my double chin. . . ) Have a great weekend!!! XO
ReplyDeleteWell, I am totally confused because I read the cover at least 5X, and I don't see anything about weight loss cookies. However, I did see where swapping out potato chips in my diet might allow me to lose 16# a week! Wow! I will have to pick up a copy and see what I have to do to make that happen. And yes, they want to sell fireworks year round. Sometimes I think we have a "fireworks" season that lasts for a month around the 4th of July, then picks up again at Thanksgiving and runs through the end of January. It makes no difference that fireworks are illegal here. I await your next report on Walmart and whether or not they listened to your excellent advice.
ReplyDeleteThese are just brilliant lettters! (And it is very curious... Costco had a HUGE fireworks display out here as well. We both must have missed that memo on why!)
ReplyDeleteI am dying at the Magic Weight Loss Cookie possibility... Please, please Woman's World, help us cookie-loving girls out! :)
My problem here is that I just glanced at the magazine cover and couldn't figure out what "She Lobster Belly" could possibly mean ...
ReplyDeleteGreat letters today, Bonny! I'm hearing the governor's race went in the right direction, I hope that's true. Fireworks are not sold in MA so I have no input on why they would be selling them in November!
ReplyDeleteGreat letters! It would be fun to go shopping with you....
ReplyDeleteI would welcome that, and I'm sure I would have much more fun than I do by myself!
DeleteSorry I can't help with the recipe! I used to buy the occasional Woman's World, though, when they had knitting patterns in just about every issue. One of my early projects was from that magazine and taught me so much -- I wouldn't likely have even attempted it if I'd had a clue about what I was getting into. That project is still around, though... because Red Heart!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Walmart did not take your suggestions! The cookies would be nice, but I am more interested in pants that cure osteoporosis and whatever that something is that's better than exercise for the heart!
ReplyDeleteI do not go to walmart if I can help it. It is weird though to see bare shelves...the one day I wanted to buy a whole chicken and there were only THREE at the grocery store, and this is a BIG grocery store...crazy days.
ReplyDeleteOur Walmart is a mess and usually has several empty shelves. I haven't shopped there in a while so I have no idea whether or not they are selling fireworks.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I thought when I looked at that magazine cover was "Where did she lose her belly?"
I haven't shopped at Walmart for at least four or five months, so they might have been selling fireworks all this time and I just didn't know it. I did hear some in our neighborhood at Halloween, so perhaps the fall fireworks season has started here. I better pick some up next time I'm at Walmart so I'm ready for Thanksgiving. :-)
DeleteYour letters make me smile. That magazine is something else. You are right - entertainment while I wait to check out. As for fireworks for Thanksgiving, I'll pass but please pass the pecan pie.
ReplyDelete