Monday, May 9, 2016

Be Careful What You Wish For


Mother's Day was a low-key affair here, which is to be expected since the kids that call me Mom are currently living their lives 1700 and 1900 miles away. This is fine, and as it should be, but I can also hear my grandmother saying, "Be careful what you wish for."

When the boys were young and my life was full of diapers, mashed bananas and Cheerios, trucks, trains, and diggers, strep throat, and plenty of sleepless nights, John would ask what I wanted for Mother's Day. My usual wish was for a day off. Ryan and Justin were wonderful children, and are now wonderful young men, so it wasn't that I really wanted to be away from them. I just wanted a day to myself to read, knit, think a complete thought, drink a warm cup of tea that hadn't been reheated seven times in the microwave, and enjoy an uninterrupted shower without someone crying or barging into the bathroom.

And that's what I have now. While I do enjoy all those things I wished for above every day, there are also some instances when it feels like I might have too much time by myself. During those times, it's easy for me to look wistfully back on those child-rearing days through rose-colored glasses. I really don't have any desire to relive not sleeping more than four hours for an eighteen month stretch or worry about how daredevil Justin was going to get injured next. I do miss those handmade Mother's Day cards, and sometimes I just miss knowing exactly where my kids were. Where they were was with me.

I'm still involved in their lives, often on a daily basis through phone calls, texts, and facebook messenger chats. I'm the one that Justin calls when he can't locate enough glycerin to taxidermy rattlesnake skins (Amazon will send 2 quarts to the wilds of TX with Prime shipping.) I'm also the one that Ryan calls when he's perched on top of his refrigerator because he doesn't have a ladder tall enough to change the flickering fluorescent fixtures on the vaulted ceiling in his kitchen (Contact an electrician, and because you're a poor graduate student I'll even pay for it.) Some of these calls make me laugh, some make me fearful, and some just make me shake my head, but they all make me glad that I'm still a part of my children's lives. My wish now is that I don't have too many days off from still being their mother.

8 comments:

  1. I was lucky enough to have both girls here yesterday for Mother's Day but I do understand your feelings in this post. I miss the days when they needed me and I wish I could go back (just for a little while).

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  2. I did chat with Dan too. It's such a good feeling to know we've raised competent, fun, loving sons. But I'd like a few more drives to cross country meets, and a few more regular meals together for sure!

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  3. I think it is all about the perspective from where you are, with the human trait to wish for what we don't have. I to wished for "me time" when I was submerged in the day-to-day life of young child responsibilities. And, like you - my children are scattered good distances away and I wish there was more of the "them" time from years gone by. My hope, like yours, is that the days off never outnumber the days on! Great post Bonny!

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  4. This is the way I feel about retirement. When I was working, all I could wish for was not to have to go to work anymore - not to be so overwhelmed with it all - work, home... but now I am retired, and I feel like I have way too much time on my hands sometimes - not all the time - but sometimes....

    Linda in VA

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  5. I had the same kind of Mother's Day. It was nice to have each bo--, young man, call. Mine are 75 and 300 miles away, and I just saw them last week, so a call was sufficient. When Elder Son was about 3, he was all excited to spend Mother's Day with me and couldn't understand why his daddy took him out for most of the day so I could celebrate with Me Time.

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  6. Oh, yes. Me, too. Yesterday was my first Mother's Day with no kid visiting. I had a really nice day -- with my own mom! -- but it was empty, somehow (despite their calls and texts). I'm thrilled with how my kids have grown up and moved on, but sometimes I wish the distance was a bit shorter so I could see them more often.

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  7. yes, yes and yes! last year was my first one without one of my girls here but I got to see my mom...this year I had texts, two phone calls and a FaceTime (and an early celebration and a promised one when I visit Madison in July). different for sure...but still wonderful. I am glad Katie lives close, but now she has her own Mother's Day to celebrate. and I got to finish a book. in a day!

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  8. like you I hear from my adult kids daily and sometimes it's a simple problem to solve and sometimes it's challenging. I hope I can always have that connection (cell phones have been the GREATEST INVENTION EVER).

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