Friday Letters

 

Today I'm taking my virtual fountain pen in hand to write a few Friday letters. I've visited the DMV, seen something new and had some reactions. You might, too. 

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 Dear NJ DMV,

You might wonder why I’m writing you a letter that references Sneetches, but during my recent visit to obtain a Real ID license, they were all I could think about. Applicants were required to stand in line at three different stations, and even after making an appointment, it often seemed that the goal at each one was to reject people. No stars upon thars!

At the first station, many applicants were told they had not completed the Real ID application correctly. They were given another chance, and if they succeeded, they were allowed to move on to the second station for the dreaded ID check. There were twelve people in line ahead of me, but sadly, only one of them (and I) made it to the final line. The other ten were sent away without further progress towards stars upon thars, hopefully to try again another day.

At the final station, my documents were checked once more, scanned, and my picture was taken. I should receive my Real ID license within two weeks, and I sincerely hope there is a star on it certifying that I was patient enough to wait two hours. It feels like you should also send me a nice blue star that I can proudly display on my stomach, but I’ll still be happy if it’s just my Real ID license.

I was a bit disappointed that there didn’t seem to be any DMV employees with whom I could joke about the Star-Bellied Sneetches. I think it might have improved the day slightly for all of us.

Thank you for testing my ability to find documents that prove I'm who I think I am,

A Star-bellied NJ motorist

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Dear Mrs. Cubberly,

I still remember the note you sent home after I committed the grave parental offense of packing Ryan a (gasp!) frosted Pop-Tart for first-grade snack time. You firmly explained that such a treat was not only unhealthy, but also the cause of widespread classroom unrest, as Ryan’s classmates suddenly developed a strong and immediate interest in his snack.

You suggested that, should I persist in my Pop-Tart ways, I might consider the unfrosted variety, those noble, fruit-filled bastions of health. I’ve thought about that note every time I pass the Pop-Tarts aisle for the past 30 years, and I must admit, it still makes me smile. I’m not convinced that any Pop-Tart, frosted or otherwise, has ever earned a spot on a nutritionist’s “recommended” list. At the time, though, I sent the frosted kind for two very sound reasons: it was what we had, and it was what Ryan would actually eat.

But now, a new development: I recently spotted Protein Pop-Tarts in the store. They are, astonishingly, still frosted. This raises an important question that only you, I feel, are qualified to answer: have we finally achieved the dream? Are frosted Protein Pop-Tarts now … healthy?

I eagerly await your ruling.

Sincerely,

Ryan's Mom 

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I hope you all enjoy a wonderful weekend, with or without Pop-Tarts (or anyone judging whether what you eat is healthy or not).