Friday, December 24, 2021

Friday Letters

Welcome to Friday Letters, the Christmas Eve edition. I've taken my virtual fountain pen in hand to write a few thank you notes. Let's open the mail ...


Dear G'ma, Mom, and Mrs. Becker

When the kids were young, I often had days where it was hard to feel like I had been a good mother - I yelled too much, got too exasperated, or just wasn't present enough.

I did have occasional moments, like when Ryan was six months old and I finally felt like I was getting a handle on the mother thing. I thought, "I could do this again", then Justin came along. I was thrilled because I also thought, "I know how to raise a boy", but he and Ryan are complete opposites, and I had to learn how to be a mother to a different child. 

It's also tough with grown children. Being a mother is still a big part of who I am, but moments to mother can be difficult to come by, and sometimes it's hard to decide what to do when the moments do occur. Do I say, "You should do this" and offer my unsolicited advice? Are they just venting and maybe it's better if I just listen? How do I know when to get involved and when to step back?

Sometimes, parenting is equal parts patience and persistence. All of this is to say thank you to three strong women who were excellent mothers and provided me with plenty of examples of what I should do (and sometimes what I should not do) as a mother. I look to each of you several times each week and thank you immensely. I'm sorry I didn't say it when you were here to hear it. 

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Dear Covid,

You've created havoc, death, and illness throughout the world, and changed us profoundly. I remember getting my first vaccination and thinking it was a miracle. It was, but we still have a long way to go and normal is different.

You've affected me in many negative ways - missing my friends and family and fearing for them daily as many of them are essential healthcare workers or immunocompromised. But dare I say it, you have also brought a positive change or two. Most important to me is a clarification of what is really important. I always knew that family and friends, shopping for yarn, or browsing in the library were vital parts of my life. They still are, but now I think I can honestly say that I will never again take them for granted. When I think of how casually we used to get together to share a meal, a beer, or just a chat, I could almost cry. Now we are vaccinated, boosted, masked, and getting together outdoors at a distance, but you showed me how very crucial these people are in my life. I have finally simplified Christmas because of you, Covid, and while I despise you, I also thank you for the lessons learned.

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Dear Readers,

I thank you so very much for taking the time to read what I've written here, and especially for your thoughtful, humorous, and kind comments. I know you're busy, with plenty of things to do, so I appreciate you choosing to spend a few minutes with me here. I've gained so much by blogging, and this would be much less satisfying if I was just writing for myself and not making connections with you.


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The Christmas season has made me extra grateful for all that I have. I wish you peace, gratitude, good health, and your family and friends around you (in person or virtually), no matter what you may be celebrating at this time of year. 

14 comments:

  1. Merry Christmas, Bonny! All of the introspection about mothering just proves that you have been a very good mother. A human fallible mother, but a good mother. I suspect you would have been without guidance, but I am glad you had it.
    Covid has done the same things to me that it has done to you. Caution is wise, but it also tends to isolate us. My husband and I sit here in this 2 person pod, and I admit that while it has been challenging, it has also shifted some of my priorities for the good. It helps to look for the good when you are being manipulated by events.
    Oh, your lovely, welcoming, and honest blog! What would I have done without it during this pandemic? I honestly don't know, and I am glad that I didn't have to find out. I am so grateful for your virtual friendship. Thank you, Bonny. Every time you post, remember that you are making positive waves in the universe.

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  2. These are wonderful letters. Being a mom is hard and knowing what to do with adult children, while not as hard as raising them, is still and always a challenge. Your letter to covid is spot on as well. We did take a lot for granted when it came to gathering with friends and going places without consideration or fear. I long for those days but fear they will never come back in the same way.

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  3. You've raised some wonderful boys/men, at least as far as I can tell as an outside observer. I'm still in the process of raising my one child, but I definitely share your sentiments about being thankful for other mothers and the examples they've set.

    I also completely agree with you about the unexpected blessing of COVID: a clarification about what is most important in life. There are many things I love and that bring me joy, but more important than anything else is my relationships with others. I am very thankful to have friends like you who are so generous to share their talents and their thoughts. I hope that one day in the not-too-distant future, we can meet in person so we can be real-life friends and not just internet friends.

    Merry Christmas!

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  4. Lovely letters of reflection! Thank you, Bonny. And Merry Christmas

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  5. Although our friendship is via the internet, I value it and am grateful for all you share through your blog. These letters have caused me to reflect on what is truly important in life, not just during this season, but all year long. I appreciate the reminder of the hidden blessings related to COVID. May you and your family enjoy a wonderful holiday and I wish you the best for 2022!

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    1. Thank you, Debbie! I always value your thoughtful and kind comments, and if I'm ever looking for a good book to read, I just check Goodreads to see what you are reading! It's been especially nice "meeting" you via Zoom for our book discussions. I hope you and your family enjoy a very Merry Christmas and may 2022 bring you wonderful things.

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  6. Wishing you all the BEST things this holiday season .... good food, good memories, and time with your family making NEW memories.

    Happy Christmas!

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  7. Thank you for your honest and thoughtful blogging. I enjoy coming here daily to read your wise words and you incisive thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to get to know us through our getting to know your. I think that's called friendship!! XO

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  8. A Happy Christmas to News Year week to you and your families. Your letters are full of wisdom. I am certainly grateful for my mothers and grandmothers who showed me how to love and mother children. It is so true that parenting one child is completely different than parenting the other.

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  9. Hope you are having a good holiday season, as strange as it is with COVID!!!

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    1. The holidays have been quite nice so far. Although not normal, they are still far better than last year. I hope you are happy, healthy, and also enjoying the holidays!

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  10. Your covid letter could be my covid letter :) What a beautiful photo of your boys!!

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  11. These letters... oh my. I am nodding in agreement to so many of the bits of wisdom you "penned" in this post!

    Thank you for sharing yourself, for opening up to this "other world"... my life is richer for your posts!

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  12. Dear Bonny, yes! Yes! And most of all YES! Thank-you for your wise words and interesting observations and most of all - friendship!

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Thank you for visiting and taking the time to comment! :-)