Last weekend we got into a discussion when I asked John if he could consolidate his piles of stuff. I tried to ask this question in a non-confrontational tone, but he didn't hear it that way. So I decided to document our piles of stuff throughout the house to better assess the situation.
These are things I need to give to Justin the next time I see him. It's a small manageable bunch of things on our dining room table, handy to where everyone will see it when they come in the house.
When I was an assistant supervisor at a lab in Syracuse, I remember going to a seminar about how people organized things (physical items and ideas) differently. I know that there are many ways to approach organization. Some people (like me) do better with "a place for everything, and everything in its place" while others need to be able to see everything and have it readily available to be able to act on it or boost their creativity. The second one describes John.
So no piles of stuff were moved, consolidated or cleaned up last weekend, and I don't have a lot of hope that this will happen in the future. We have lived together for over 46 years, so by now I have learned to grudgingly accept that John's way is not my way. I enjoy having open, uncluttered spaces; John sees them as places for new piles of stuff and that's just life.
So how are things organized in your house? Are the people in your household compatible with the way you organize things, or do their important things all over just look like a mess to be cleaned up? I'd love to hear about the piles of stuff in your house and your life!
I am guilty of creating piles, but I like to think of them as organized piles. My husband, on the other hand, will leave things just sitting around -- it's almost a sort of selective blindness. Like for the past week, the owner's manual for our new ovens has been sitting on the kitchen counter. I know he has files for things like that, but apparently I need to explicitly tell him to put it away because just waiting for him to do so isn't working.
ReplyDeleteI am somewhere between "everything in its space" and "visible so it sparks creativity"... and the struggle between the two is real. My desk is constantly in need of "clean up". Steve's "dumping ground" is the dining room table and he is not as organized as John is, just saying.
ReplyDeletemy house is mostly tidy when it's my stuff, I have places to tuck away 'things'. My husband has more visual clutter when it gets bad I ask him to tidy up. Now when the kids are visiting my house is a huge mess and their stuff is EVERYWHERE.
ReplyDeleteOMG. I'm like you and Fletch is like John...only even more so. There are piles (multiple) on the table, on the sofa (!), on the coffee table, on the floor, on the chair in the bedroom, etc. Years ago I would consolidate (and sometimes throw out stuff) from his piles when I cleaned (because he would not). Now I don't bother. Our house is very small, so the clutter and piles really annoy me, but I know he is not going to change. Frustrating? You bet!
ReplyDeleteOh, bless you. I have found that "asking" in even the most innocent of ways to be . . . well, Not All That Effective. ;-) We are generally "organized" here, but there are definite Hot Spots where both Tom and I (but mostly Tom) employ PILES as our go-to organizational strategy. We have common-area "rules," though, and tend to honor those. I have found that a big basket on our hutch gives Tom a "landing spot" for all kinds of stuff (that needs to be moved into one of his PILES eventually), and I've also given him a small "Tom drawer" in the kitchen, which seems to mollify him . . .
ReplyDeleteIs there a couple that does not have this problem? John had oodles of stuff, but he was pretty good about leaving most of it in his designated areas of rolling cart, workshop, office and table next to his chair. But the volume was incredible. His philosophy was that he should have at least two of everything, just in case sh*t. I am still trying to make decisions about what to do with a lot of it. I have thrown away tons of it, donated it, and kept some of it for sentimental reasons, but with each passing month, my sentimental reasons are diminishing, and so are the piles. I am messy, but I do make a habit of picking up my mess about every ten days. John was very tolerant of my mess, and once I asked him if it bothered him, and he said, "no, but I often wonder why things like the vacuum cleaner wand are on the mantle". We both died laughing, it is a good moment of our ability to tolerate one another. Like you, I enjoy open, uncluttered spaces. I have found I can only control my mess if I continually limit what I own and minimize horizontal surfaces. After John died, I donated two truck loads of furniture to the Salvation Army to limit horizontal surfaces. I found it very freeing to look at everything and ask myself if I actually needed it or used it. My house is much more restful with less furniture in it. It is a more sparse aesthetic, and I like it. It is much easier to keep clean! Since John is bored these days, can't you suggest he make something with those antlers? I gotta admit, those antler stacks would try my patience. I might have to designate a room you don't use as the antler room - lol. That's a thought, Bonny. Maybe you should just give him a room, like one of the boy's old bedrooms. And maybe a bench with a shoe shelf in the mudroom would help?
ReplyDeleteI don't think we have a clear surface in the whole house. I recently made the mistake of putting a basket on our small kitchen island that supposed to be just where we eat since the dining table has a puzzle and several sewing projects on it. That basket is now overflowing with bits and pieces of stuff The Mister can't part with. Junk mail, shopping lists, receipts-it's a mess. I clean it out every so often and like magic, it's full again.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that everyone is in much the same situation with piles of stuff! For some reason this makes me feel better even though it doesn't help the piles at all.
DeleteEnter me in the "I'm a pile-maker and my husband is worse" contest. We have quite a long bar/counter-top in our kitchen. One end collects clutter ALL the time. But when the other end (where I cook) begins to collect (almost always Chuck's) detritus, I begin to feel a little insane. We don't seem to have people over as often as pre-pandemic times, and that makes it worse -- nothing like someone else seeing the mess to get us started on clearing the decks. But my cousins are coming for dinner on Friday (a couple Chuck loves) so that will be some incentive for both of us.
ReplyDeleteI was a little embarrassed taking pictures of all the piles that John has, but from the comments it seems that there are many spouses out there with plenty of piles of their own! I think I'm just going to have to learn to ignore them. From everyone's responses, I think piles of stuff are just evidence of life going on in the house, and they get cleaned up sometimes when we have enough incentive.
DeleteThese comments are so refreshing. We have the same thing going on at our house. I like neat, tidy, and organized. My husband needs everything out visually (many piles - some with stuff so scattered it's hard to think of it as a pile) so he doesn't forget about stuff. In addition, he has a downstairs office where he worked from home for years and by law needs to keep all his records for a few more years. I try not to go in there. My son was much like his father. When a teen he once said to me, "Someday I'm going to come home and you will have filed my underwear." To which I replied, "then you will know where it is." I try to be tolerant but now and then I have to clean up the clutter.
ReplyDeleteOh man, the piles. Dale tends to . . . spread things out . . . rather than pile things up. My constant joke is that he just can't resist a flat surface!
ReplyDeleteI'm a piler. And I need visuals -- so even if it's neatly organized, it looks busy! I actually LIKE things neat & tidy & clutter-free... so, it's complicated. Rusty also piles things up, especially books & magazines. We're finally on board with handling/sorting/tossing the mail right away, and that helps. It's pretty chaotic around here these days.
ReplyDeleteha! I did NOT see those piles of antlers coming when I started reading the post! I have piles of books in multiple places/rooms, but I keep paperwork in my desk (so not really a pile, right, if it's in a drawer?) ... Marc does have paper to deal with, and he keeps it on his desk. in the basement. where I never see it! Honestly, John's piles look pretty tame (well, apart from the antlers) compared to what I've seen on TV ... I think you're wise to just live with it/them/HIM!
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