A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I were discussing small talk. I had to attend a function (it was a Medicare information session, not even a social event) and I was amazed at the number of people who shared their life stories (including medical information) while we were standing around chatting before the session began. Being an introvert, I tend to be terrible at small talk. I am curious about people and their stories but have to be careful not to ask too many probing questions too early.
7 Questions Interesting People Always Ask in Conversations
Are they questions you might like to be asked in a conversation? Can you recommend anything to improve my small talk? I'm not necessarily trying to be interesting while conversing with a stranger, just like a relatively pleasant human being that can carry on a conversation.
And while you're looking over those articles, feel free to answer any of the questions in the comments. I am always curious about people and would love to hear about a book that has influenced you or what excites you right now!
I am also terrible at small talk. I'm fine talking to people I know but hate striking up a conversation with complete strangers. And frankly I don't know why there's such an expectation that we have to talk to strangers!
ReplyDeleteI can talk to ANYONE. I'm a great talker. I find that I just let the conversation go organically and talk about whatever comes up. Sometimes it doesn't have to be deep. Some people are private and don't want to talk and that is okay as well. I tend to have my dad's goofy sense of humor and say really off the wall jokes (am I becoming him???). Perhaps.
ReplyDeleteOof. Some of those questions are so... trite, aren't they? (although, I always ask the book question! I find that books are great conversation extenders!) And one thing a very wise boss once told me about conversation... listen more than you talk (and really listen... don't be thinking about the next thing to say... just listen.) and "double click" on things... a simple way of getting them to tell you more. Draw you both deeper into the conversation. I liked the really listen advice... because it meant I did not have to be witty. And if you are really listening, you find lots of things to double click on... and suddenly, conversation is flowing.
ReplyDelete(And those people who ask me "what's my story"... well, I move on from them as quickly as possible, lol)
Happy Friday! XO
I don't mind small talk . . . when people are interested in a back-and-forth conversation. And that's usually my sticking point . . . because I find most people are ONLY interested in talking about themselves. And I find that incredibly tedious. Oftentimes, I come away from a conversation knowing WAY TOO MUCH about whoever I've been "chatting" with . . . and they know nothing about me. ;-) I think those are interesting questions, and I wish someone would ask me questions like that when we're small-talking. (Instead of just droning on about themselves. . . )
ReplyDeleteI'm an introvert, but was raised by two uber-extroverts. As a result, I can talk to anyone about anything, anytime. I don't always enjoy it, but we were always required to make small talk with people who came to the house, so I can fake it 'til I make it really well.
ReplyDeleteWhen I traveled often and met knew people constantly I had a way to start the conversation. "Tell me a secret." I had some really great replies and an easy conversation always started from it. Some people would look at me like i was crazy, but we still were able to converse (why did I ask such a question?). :)
ReplyDeleteI would hate being asked any of those questions! I'm not a small-talker, but I can do it if I must. I like to follow the natural flow of a conversation... "listen and double-click," as Kat puts it. If that's not working, I head for the bathroom or to the bar. heh.
ReplyDeleteThose questions seemed so scripted. It would really put me off --- I like conversations that flow organically. As for you personally .........I wouldn't worry about it. I've met you. You converse just fine. LOL Be you . . . not Inc.'s version of you.
ReplyDeleteI would not like to be asked any of those questions. They seem intrusive to ask if you don't know someone. Of course, I am an introvert, but I was in hospital administration for a long time, and I can fake it. I usually ask people what they do, then ask them how they got there. Similar to "tell me your story", but only tell me about your work story. If they are extroverted, they will usually tell me a lot more than I asked. I have an attitude about small talk, probably because I have had to make it at business parties and conferences so much. I think it is pretty worthless just on the face of it. I have to have many interactions with someone before I want to tell them any secrets or personal life stories. If I get to know them a bit, maybe I don't want them to know all that about me! I really think the easiest thing to do is ask open ended questions and just listen. I bet you do small talk just fine and are your own worst critic. Books that really resonated with me are Cutting for Stone, I Know This Much is True, and All the Light We Cannot See. I guess I like a saga full of universal truths that illustrates the frailties of being human? Try to have a Happy Friday despite the SCOTUS.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I'm a total introvert who is also a great talker. Maybe that's because I don't want people to ask me about myself! I agree with people who say let the convo go organically. If it is hard getting started, I'll ask someone how they ended up at the event, and that often leads down all kinds of interesting paths.
ReplyDeleteNow there's something new to me - an introvert who's a great talker! I think I worry too much about not being able to keep up my end of the conversation and I get tongue-tied and awkward.
DeleteI'm also an introvert, so starting the conversation keeps the talking on their side and I don't have to say much. I always ask the book question, because you can tell a lot by a persons favorite book. Now a days folks seem to stream more than they read, so I also ask what they're watching. I usually don't have to say more than that for the conversation to start flowing.
ReplyDeleteThose are good ideas, Lisa! In a bit of irony, the Medicare seminar was at the county library and there was a display case with books about the shore right outside the meeting room. We were asked to introduce ourselves to at least one other person (I'm not sure why) and I asked a woman if she had read any of the shore books in the display. She looked at me strangely, said she never read books, and moved on to talk to someone else. I decided I didn't really need to talk to strangers after that!
DeleteWith an answer like that, I'm surprised you didn't move on first haha... my people read
DeleteI don't like small talk and am not good at it although I can function in social situations when necessary. I feel like at my age, 70, I've earned the right not to have to engage in cocktail chatter. I'd rather listen than talk. I do think the question about a book or current reading is a good conversation topic.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's easier for me to talk to strangers because the stakes are pretty much non-existent ... I find it hardest to talk to people I don't know - yet - and expect to have some future relationship with (like a new neighbor). It was great when I had Holly on the leash because "dogs" is always an easy topic, and I could always say I had to get her home to eat if I wanted to end the conversation.
ReplyDelete