Monday, June 1, 2020

Mental Health

I didn't mean to be gone for a week, but when last Monday rolled around, I found I didn't have anything to say. It was the same on Tuesday and Wednesday, and then it became much easier (and kind of a relief) to not blog. 

  • Mental health is an integral part of health; indeed, there is no health without mental health.

But not blogging was a symptom of something bigger that I've been feeling for at least the past four weeks or so. I don't want to do anything. I can knit a bit, but only some F*** 2020 dishcloths. I have started three books, but can't concentrate long enough to finish any of them. John, Justin, and Ryan all have some big issues of their own that they are dealing with. I've been trying to help, but that has really only resulted in more worry on my part. I make dinner, but I'm not hungry. I have found myself drinking more than I know I should. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I find myself not feeling much emotion at all, and it became much clearer after a conversation I had with Ryan. He was encouraging me to try a new recipe and I told him I wasn't sure what the point was. We would just eat dinner, and I'd have to do it all over again the next day. When he said, "Mom you sound like you may be suffering from depression," then I started to pay attention. 

  • Mental health is more than the absence of mental disorders.

Ryan knows depression, having suffered from it pretty severely for a couple of years. I thought I knew depression, too, after learning all I could in support of Ryan. But it's tough to recognize in yourself, and it's even tougher to muster the motivation to care about it and take some sort of action when you're feeling this way.

  • Mental health is a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.

I hemmed and hawed, told myself that I have no reason to feel depressed as there are many people in much worse circumstances, thought about the difference between "normal" mental health and mental health during the pandemic, but ultimately decided that seeking some help sooner rather than later was what I needed to do (even if I was secretly hoping that the therapist I spoke with would tell me I was fine, quit whining, buck up, and get going). I did what I do best: read, researched, overthought, and sought out resources. I looked for a local therapist that I could meet with by video or phone sessions, found several, emailed them, and chose one. I've spoken to her for two sessions, and to be honest, I feel better simply because I took a positive step. Ultimately I decided that it didn't matter whether I labeled this feeling as depression or not, something was not right and I needed to try and remedy that. 

  • Mental health is fundamental to our collective and individual ability as humans to think, emote, interact with each other, earn a living, and enjoy life.

Here are some resources that I found helpful, and I'm going to link to them just in case you or someone you know might benefit.

Mental Health: strengthening our response - This is from the WHO in 2018 (before coronavirus!) and is written fairly basically, but the bulleted statements above all came from this fact sheet. 

How to Get Therapy When You Can't Leave the House - Part of NPR's Life Kit, this article got me thinking seriously about options available when you can't just walk into a therapist's office.

Find a Therapist - From Psychology Today, this will help you search for a psychologist, counselor, or support group. You can filter results by teletherapy, insurance, type of disorder, type of therapy offered, and other helpful options. 

How to Protect Your Mental Health During the Coronavirus Outbreak - This list from the National Alliance on Mental Illness gave me a simple, basic, but very helpful collection of steps to follow. These may be obvious (maintain a routine, find ways to "get going", be kind to yourself, etc.) but I was not doing any of these. These eight simple things to do posted on my bathroom mirror have helped me immensely. 

Coronavirus Anxiety Workbook - This 28-page workbook from The Wellness Society is subtitled "A Tool to Help You Build Resilience During Difficult Times" and it has helped me begin to do just that. It talks about stress, anxiety, how to manage anxiety, what is within your control and outside of it, and includes many resources, practical techniques, and actions you can do to help yourself.  

I've long thought that every blog post needs a picture, but I couldn't find a good one. Then a wonderful friend clued me into Maggie Smith (the poet, not the Dame), and these felt appropriate even if they aren't exactly pretty pictures. 



I hope you keep moving.

23 comments:

  1. Bonny, I think it is perfectly normal to suffer from situational depression during these very hard times. There is nothing but bad news wherever you look. I have dealt with intermittent chronic depression most of my life (genetic, I think), and you are very wise to take steps to manage it. I am so sorry to hear that you are having these issues, but do remember the flip side is there, you just have to find it. And you will. I always find the worst part of a depressive episode is feeling helpless to change how I feel until I realize I am not helpless, and you have realized that early on. Take good care of you, and blog when and if you like. It's not essential. What's essential is doing the things that will put you back on the road that will allow you to enjoy the good in your life. You are so resourceful, and I know you will find your way back!

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  2. Thank you for an honest post that may be helpful to many others in this stressful time.
    Hugs.

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    1. Thank you, Valerie. It is such a stressful time, and the only way to feel better is to overcome the inertia and keep moving. Your speed doesn't matter, forward is forward.

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  3. I'm glad you are able to be at the point where you realized what was going on and can try to help yourself and others. It's so difficult but the only way to go forward.

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  4. Oh, Bonny. What a perfect and wonderful post. I'm so heartened to hear that you are feeling better having taken that postitive step forward. Make your way. Keep moving. (That Maggie Smith is a gem.)
    Sending all my love and best juju. XOXO

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  5. Bonny, thank you for your honesty with us and for your honesty with yourself. I am glad that you've taken the first steps and are getting the help you need. It is not at all surprising that you're dealing with this given the world situation right now; if I weren't already on medication for my own anxiety and depression, I have no doubt that I would be, too. I know from my own experience that depression can be very isolating and that there's sometimes an overwhelming feeling of inertia. For whatever it's worth, know that a friend from afar is thinking about you and rooting for you!

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  6. Bonnie - I think you have voiced what many are feeling or trying not to feel. Thank you for speaking up and for taking care of yourself.

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  7. Yep. Thank you!! Thank you for all of this. :)

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  8. This is such a good post Bonny. Thank you for your honesty and openness. These are such horrid times it's easy to give up hope and give in to inertia. I'm glad you are moving forward.

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  9. Oh Bonny, thanks for your honesty with this issue. I think many, myself included are dealing with some form of depression or just 'something is off'. Your post addresses both these issues with sensitivity and resources. Thank you!

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  10. Thank you for sharing your struggle with us. I think it's so important for people to recognize that depression can impact anyone at any time and I'm really glad that Ryan was able to point this out to you because I do think it's super hard to recognize in yourself. When Dale was in the hospital he was visited by a therapist and she asked him if he needed someone to talk to about the accident. He said he didn't think he needed therapy and she said to him, do you have a brain? And when he said of course she said, then you could use therapy. It's true and important and I hope your journey continues to move in a positive direction and that you feel like yourself again very soon.

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  11. What a wonderful post Bonny. Thank-you for every bit of it and especially the part where you chose to take care of yourself! xoxo

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  12. Thanks for keeping it real. We should all be talking about mental health more openly! I will be sending good vibes your way.

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  13. What usually works for me is getting outside. There is something about nature and sunshine that helps me every time. You're taking positive steps, that's what can break the cycle. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you, Dawn. Getting outdoors in nature has usually been something that is good for me, and I've been making a conscious effort to really make it part of my everyday routine.

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  14. Bonny, thank you for sharing this and I am glad that you are feeling better and moving ahead with some positive steps. I wish you well as you move forward.

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    1. Thank you, Debbie. The only way to feel better is to crawl out of the hole and keep moving. Speed doesn't matter, forward is forward.

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  15. hugs to you Bonny and yay for seeking a therapist and that making you feel better, this has been a trying time and I think mental health is most important, I pray you continue to feel better in the days and weeks ahead.

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  16. Bonny, how good that Ryan recognized your symptoms. Im so sorry you are going through this. I have to say goodbye to my wonderful psychiatrist this week as he is retiring. Well deserved retirement for this man who I let help me to wellness more than once. There is a TED talk I love on depression which is by Andrew Solomon in 2013. It is so accurate for how I felt at times when Depressed.
    I wish you some peace. I wish you some rest. We are all here for you, and your making a difference by sharing your very personal condition. One day at a time, my blog friend

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  17. You are very courageous to share your struggles. I'm sending you hugs and long distance moral support. Seeking help is very wise. I am glad you feel better after talking to someone. Take good care.

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  18. Thank goodness for children! And thank you for sharing this! So.much!! I am so glad that you found someone to talk to!! I have tears in my eyes from your post and from all these touching comments. (although I chucked at Carole's comment about Dale having a brain!)

    This community makes me so happy, so uplifted, so included! XO

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  19. Thank you for your honesty and for sharing with us the struggle you're having. So many of us can use the resources you've listed even if we think we're not depressed. Are we? Aren't we? le sigh It's almost like - how can we not be? You are doing the work you need to do to keep yourself upright and in search of wellness. We are with you.

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  20. Dear Bonny - It's good to see you back - I missed your voice and I'm glad you're doing you and taking such well-researched, sound steps to move forward. I also appreciate your honesty and openness to share. You've provided an excellent list of resources for ALL of us. Hugs!

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