Friday Letters

I haven't written any Friday Letters for a long time, but I do have a few this week to say what's on my mind, take the opportunity to offer a thank you, and wonder about things. Let's open the mail ...

Dear Verizon,

Thank you for offering the worst customer service I've experienced in quite a while. You felt it necessary to switch me to something called Visual Voice Mail on my cell phone, but I don't know exactly what it is because the app doesn't work and crashes every. single. time. I've tried following your instructions to go back to Basic Voice Mail, but that didn't work. I tried calling Technical Assistance, but I didn't know my PIN. When you texted me a temporary PIN and I tried to input that, you told me it wasn't valid. When I called regular Customer Service, they told me I needed to call Technical Assistance, and oh, by the way, did I need them to assign me a temporary PIN? I told them I already had one that didn't work, so no thank you.

I may head to the Verizon store after I've restored my supply of patience. I'm betting they'll tell me I need to upgrade my phone, and this broken, unremovable app that renders my phone almost useless just might convince me. Was that your evil plan all along?

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Dear Larimer County Colorado Assessor Department,

Thank you for providing the best customer service I've experienced in quite a while. I called with a question about how you assess property value for taxes and the very kind woman I spoke with answered my question thoroughly, politely, and even emailed me with additional information. I was really calling just to understand your process, not to complain about property taxes, but you apologized for the large increase in property value (and probably a significant increase in taxes). When I said that even the increased taxes were only about 20% of the property taxes we are currently paying in New Jersey, you said that now at least you had something to tell Coloradoans. I'm not sure that "Hey, it's cheaper than NJ" will catch on as your state motto, but I'm almost happy to pay taxes if it gets me accurate information conveyed in such a friendly manner. I don't suppose you can help me with my cell phone, too?

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Dear Cheez-Its Guy,

I have to commend you for your incredible patience. When I first heard the woman approach you while you were stocking your company's crackers on the shelves, I assumed she was asking you for help reaching something on an upper shelf. But when she proceeded to loudly tell you that she liked Cheez-Its, except for that awful cheese taste, I had to stop and eavesdrop. She asked you where she could find the Cheez-Its without cheese, and you only hesitated for a second before explaining to her that cheese was in their name and all your products were made with 100% cheese. This only seemed to anger her and she proclaimed that she was no longer going to buy Cheez-Its and you needed to tell your boss how angry she was that she could not buy a simple box of Cheez-Its without cheese. Your apology sounded sincere and your demeanor was calm and courteous the whole time, while I was having a hard time not laughing hysterically. Thank you for the entertainment during an otherwise boring shopping trip!

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Wishing everyone a great weekend, with lots of good customer service and plenty of Cheez-Its!