Today
I'm taking my virtual fountain pen in hand to write a few Friday
letters. It's been a while (three years, actually) since I wrote any, but after reading the NYT this morning, and the storm last weekend, I think I have a few things to write about.
Dear DD,
I do like your coffee (your donuts, too) but I like them in normal quantities. Reading this article this morning just made me laugh. My favorite mug holds 14 ounces of tea and I find that to be sufficient. When Ryan and I drove from Colorado to New Jersey, I did have a 20 ounce cup of coffee in the car. But a 48 ounce bucket of coffee strikes me as excessive. I would feel ridiculous carrying this thing around by the handle and no vehicle has a cup holder big enough for a bucket. But your stores are supposedly sold out of the bucket and you haven't even rolled it out to all locations, so to each his own. I may hold out for the super-size five-gallon bucket.
Sincerely,
An Occasional Coffee Drinker in Moderation
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Dear Mr. Clean,
Congratulations on your retirement! You are just a year younger than I am, and I was saddened to hear that you were "saying goodbye to the world of cleaning". I occasionally use Bounty paper towels, Tide detergent, and your magic eraser sponges are great. Retirement is wonderful, but I'd like to extend an invitation to you. If you find that you miss cleaning, you are always more than welcome to come to my house and do some. I'll have plenty of your products on hand so you can do laundry, dust, and you might even have to mop up a big spill from my DD coffee bucket. Feel free to stop by any time; you will always be welcome!
Best Regards,
A Person Whose House Needs Your Special Touch
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I received this photo from a friend that lives in Massachusetts and had to write a reply.
Dear Nina,
I'm sorry for all the snow you received in Massachusetts and I wish you all the best in digging out. But thank heavens you remembered to put your wipers up; you might have a real dilemma on your hands if you hadn't done that!
So sorry,
Bonny (who only got half the snow that you guys did)
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My Dearest Sweet Nugget,
Please accept my heartfelt apologies for not coming to see you and give you treats last Monday. Yes, I was supposed to be the cat-sitter, and I'll admit that I didn't do a very good job since I didn't brave a mere 17" of snow to come and check on you. I'm so sorry, and I will definitely give you extra treats, pets, and snuggles the next time I see you.
Please forgive me,
Your favorite pet-sitter
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Here's hoping you have a lovely, relaxing weekend!
I can't believe it's been three years since your last round of letters! I hadn't heard of the Dunkin' coffee bucket, but I swear just reading your description triggered my acid reflux. I love an iced coffee on a hot day, but just one cup! I also hope that Nugget forgives you (somehow I think the extra treats will do the trick).
ReplyDeleteIf there is a sign up list to get on with Mr. Clean... I'd like to add my name to the list. I can try and have a bucket 'o coffee waiting for him to speed him along (because I bet there are plenty of others who want to get on that list as well!!) But Nina... girl!! I think we you get Snow-mageddon the wipers are the least of your problems... but my goodness, thank you so so much for the belly laughs! And sweet Nugget... there is a treatstravaganza heading your way... you lucky kitty!!
ReplyDeleteYour first two letters are marketing issues, which I never understand! Offering buckets of coffee and spending millions for a new marketing campaign for cleaning products will attract new customers? Really? Enough customers to offset the costs of these things? Ok, then. I learned something from the third letter. Never heard of putting your wipers up, even when I lived in the mountains. And Nugget, I am sure, will have more disdain for Justin and Jess who abandoned their primary duties of being there for her. You are like a grandmother whose visits are always a special treat in many ways above the daily routine. Great letters, Bonny. I would also like your take on the situation at Columbia High School. It's making me think a lot this morning.
ReplyDeleteI used to think Mr Clean was my grandfather when I was little. They were the only two bald men I'd ever seen so the confusion was understandable. I also thought my grandmother was the Wicked Witch of the West but that was just a fever dream from the flu that stayed with me.
ReplyDeleteThat is one wild family tree!
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