Back by popular demand, it's Friday Letters. (And by popular demand, I mean that one or two people mentioned that they enjoyed them.) But that's enough for me, so I've spent much of this week talking to myself in the shower and while I've made dinner, working out some letters in my mind and out loud. I'm a bit rusty as I haven't done this since February of 2019, but here's what I've managed to come up with. Let's open the mail ...
To the Groundhog That Lives Under Our Shed,
I hope you're happy now. We haven't kept you from nibbling in the garden or begrudged you a few beans or several bites of a small zucchini. But in one weekend you let your greediness get the best of you. You managed to eat all the ripening green beans, all the leaves on the bean plants, all the zucchini and almost every single zucchini leaf. What a glutton you are! I don't know if you are trying to fatten up for your oncoming hibernation, but the only thing you left is kale. I've told John it tastes like weeds and now he understands that it might taste even worse than string bean leaves. But we'll show you; we are not planting a garden here next year! We'll probably list the house in March or April and the new owners may not plant anything for you (or maybe I'll just encourage them to plant only kale).
======
Dear Alpacas,
What's up? Normally when I make a visit to the farm, at least a few of you come to the fence to greet me. I'm not sure if I did something to offend you, but I was surprised when every single one of you turned around. Your fiber is lovely, soft, and I very much enjoy knitting with it, but I don't much like seeing a dozen alpaca butts.
======
Dear Politicians,
We live midway between NY City and Philadelphia, so we get to see political ads from both markets if we ever watch broadcast television. I've already voted by mail, so none of what is being said matters to me personally, but I think it's all very confusing nevertheless. This guy is a crook, her opponent is a liar, everybody hates this Philadelphia judge, that DA is deceptive. I wish that you could all take a lesson from these two. I'm not sure that this garter snake is big enough to eat this chipmunk, but although they certainly have a natural predator-prey relationship, they are happily co-existing on this rock in the sun. Can't we all get along, too?
======
Wishing everyone a good weekend, as non-political and cooperative as it can be, and devoid of greedy groundhogs and friends who turn their backs on you!
Hope things are OK wherever you are, Bonny. Wherever you are, you obviously have power. I love letters! However, I have to tell you that I really like kale. I'm weird like that. What is up with those alpacas? That's perplexing, but maybe they heard something you can't hear. As for humans following the wisdom of animals, uh, good luck with that. I hope you have a lovely weekend as well, Bonny!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking that those Alpacas look like they are wearing trousers! Gosh, they are cute! Perhaps you came just as they executed an "allemande left" and if you waited a few more minutes, they'd have gotten to the "allemande right" portion of their dance!
ReplyDeleteI think we are a nation what craves lies. Sadly. So sadly. But thank you to that brave little chipmunk and that aloof snake for trying to set a good example!
Such great letters Bonny! Thanks for bringing them back.
ReplyDeleteI'm another one who really likes kale. Any greens in fact. I am so over all the political signs - I wish they would outlaw that!
Thank you for those laughs! I'm sorry the alpacas were so rude to you, but their butts sure are cute and fluffy! (And we like butts in this house. Have I told you that my daughter specifically requested a calendar of Corgi butts for Chanukah last year? And that I actually found one?)
ReplyDeleteI am so ready for the political ads to be over, particularly the one for the woman running for PA Commonwealth Court who has scary spider eyes and talks about "traditional integrity." What the heck is that?
I had morning glories on a trellis in the back yard several years ago and a groundhog ate all the leaves -- it looked pretty silly, just a vine with big blue flowers! Those alpacas are... CHEEKY! haha.
ReplyDeleteI love your letters and get a chuckle out of them all the time. WE used to have a BIG groundhog resident at our old house, good grief he ate a lot...
ReplyDeleteWhen my dad redid the back porch (down to the supports) he laid hardware cloth (metal ya' know) over the ground that would be under and probably anchored it at the porch supports. Never had any pesky animals including chipmunks under there again. You live and learn. :)
ReplyDeleteIf we weren't planning on selling the house where the groundhog lives next spring, we would probably do something like your dad did. He sounds smarter than the critters!
Deletenot even looking at that last photo/letter - but count me as one who loves these posts ... and alpacas!
ReplyDeleteI love it when you open your mailbag and share your letters, Bonny. (And TAKE THAT Mr. Groundhog. No soup for you next year!!!) XO
ReplyDeleteOh I love these letters. That groundhog deserves kale. I am not even going to comment on the politicians. I think your letter to them was very civil by the way.
ReplyDelete