Today is the discussion day for our Read With Us spring book, Nesting by RoisÃn O’Donnell.
Kym, Carole, and I are each posting a discussion question or two on our blogs today, and you are welcome to respond in the comments. I would also encourage you to reply to others' comments if you choose. This is a book discussion, after all, so there are no correct answers or right opinions. I've been looking forward to discussing this book, even though the subject matter made it difficult to read. I don't know of a better bunch of people for a book discussion than all of you.
Here are my questions: The epigraph for Nesting is a poem called “Mother Ireland.” The final lines are “Now I could tell my story. It was different from the story told about me.” Why do you think O’Donnell chose this poem? How is Nesting different from the story normally told about women like Ciara?
I think this was a great poem for the author to choose. So much of the abusive relationship Ciara is in is about what is happening based on who tells the story. Her husband exerts his influence over her by making her believe that the story she tells herself is false or at the very least skewed and that she's the problem. In leaving him, she is embracing her own story and her own truth.
ReplyDeleteI agree; Ciara herself questioned whether she was being abused in the beginning. But she changes over the course of the novel and along with those changes she gains the power to tell her story. The poem’s closing lines seem like both a declaration and an act of resistance, when she is able to speak for herself.
DeleteThe epigraph was the thing that made me cry, Bonny. It broke me completely... and I thought about the entire story differently after reading it. I, too, thought about that poem... it makes me gasp reading it again here. (Oh the Irish have a way with words, don't they?) I agree with Sarah, the poem portrays the story... not just of Ciara, but of women everywhere who become more and more meaningless with each day in their lives.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think psychological abuse is the most hurtful... you don't have bruises that others can see... hell, you don't even have bruises that you can see... so you begin to think it is "all in your head" and "it must be my fault". I think it is the hardest to break away from... and bravo to Ciara and every other woman whose names we do not know who do the same!
I'm glad you loved it as much as I did, Kat! “Now I could tell my story. It was different from the story told about me." These lines signal a reclaiming of narrative, a shift from being spoken about to speaking for oneself, which is exactly what Ciara is struggling to do. The Irish do have a way with words!
DeleteThat is a beautiful poem and so fitting for the book. I'm looking forward to our discussion this evening.
ReplyDeleteMe, too!
DeleteThe poem is as if written for the novel. Feeling unworthy, helpless, and hopeless is a truly horribly tragic place to be. I think of myself as having great compassion for others, but I think I alluded to the fact that I grew impatient with the pace of her decisions to stop submitting herself to this abuse. I think this is probably based on personally witnessing this process myself several times with family and close friends, seeing the negative aspects on lots of people's lives, and feeling totally powerless in the situation. I think all of all reactions to stories like this are based on our experiences and beliefs, and the as a result, my reaction in this instance was wanting to shake her and tell her nothing would change for her until she changed the situation. Magical thinking is a dangerous thing, and I always discourage others as well as myself from using it deal to with any untenable situation. I hope that doesn't seem overly harsh. It is my personal experience and reality. I can see others saying, "ouch!".
ReplyDeleteThis was such a good poem for the author to choose because much of what an abused person often doubts their own story and gets lost in how other people may tell their story. Psychological abuse is so difficult and often results in self doubt; without visible signs of the abuse, the person often falls back on what other people say and doubt that the pain they are going through is real. Reading Nesting made me feel anxious about how difficult it was for Ciara to accept that she was indeed being abused. It reminded me of what my aunt suffered throughout her marriage and it reminded me of clients that I counseled over the years.
ReplyDeleteIt was almost as if the poem had been written for the book, but the poem was published 30 years before the book. They are paired perfectly. For me, the narrative highlighted how abuse can be subtle, psychological, and hard to prove — making escape even more fraught, but her pain was indeed real. It also helped me to better understand how difficult it is for women to leave their abusers.
DeleteI think the poem worked well with the story. I think a lot of the roadblocks she put on herself before leaving is that if her husband tells the story, it's totally different than the reality of what she is living with. She really felt that no one would believe her as it is all mental and not physical abuse. So very sad for someone living through it as they don't see the way out. I also think she was from England and really had no idea of what services were their for her in Ireland.
ReplyDeleteI never realized that emotional abuse was so different from physical abuse, but this book convinced me. There are scars, bruises, and emergency room visits to show with physical abuse, but very few can see or feel how bad things really are for someone who is experiencing emotional abuse. Even reading about it it was obvious but maybe not so much to an outsider.
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