Do It Now

I've been a bit preoccupied over the past many months with worries and near-crises (some financial, many medical), and I think that because of this I've gotten scared. I don't try new things, even if there is little to no risk, and I make decisions and choices out of fear and anxiety. I've never been the fearless sort of person that would contemplate skydiving or summiting Everest, but I feel the need for a change.

I saw this on facebook and it got me thinking. The changes I'm making may be tiny, incremental, and possibly even unrecognizable as changes to other people, but they are changes nonetheless. Here are the things I've meant to do and am doing now.

• Plant a bunch of bleeding hearts - I dearly love bleeding hearts and admire a large planting in a neighbor's yard every day on my walk. I've always told myself that I shouldn't invest so much money in perennials that will take a long time to grow, might die, ... but two weeks ago I bought eight bare roots, planted them, and most are growing lushly. One of them already has buds, and they are bringing me much joy every day.
• Knit another Hitchhiker - When I'm ready to start a new knitting project I always think, "I should knit something besides Hitchhikers." I occasionally do, but I when I was trying to decide what pattern I should knit with one of my favorite stash yarns, I kept coming back to my perennial favorite. I have an idea for a slight modification so it's cast on and I love it.
• Join a KAL - I've failed at every KAL I've attempted (about five or so). Once I quit before I even cast on! When Kat presented her ingenious idea, I knew this was meant for me. So instead of dithering endlessly between yes and no, I joined and am excited about it. Motivation! Cocktails! Recipes! A KAL where the only requirement is that there is no requirement! This one is easy to just do now.
• Write a letter - A local high school teacher is in real danger of losing his job because of an email full of inappropriate language that he sent to a parent and the district superintendent. Both of my sons had this teacher multiple times, and he had an especially large impact on Ryan. I told myself that he did do something wrong, if I wrote a letter of support it wouldn't really matter, and so on, but I finally saw that he had taken lots of time to have a big positive influence on my kids, and I want to support people that make that kind of effort. I know this man to be an excellent teacher and wonderful human being so I said that in my letter, sent it off to the board of education, and asked others to consider supporting this teacher. The decision about his firing is still not made, but I am glad I did the right/write thing. 
• Read a book just because it sounds good - Maybe even judge a book by its cover! Usually I read reviews and carefully consider my next book for its value. Is this book worth spending money on and it is worth my limited reading time? This is fine in moderation, but I'm tired of making this be my main criterion. I picked The Last Painting of Sara de Vos because it sounded unique and had a mysterious-looking cover, and was rewarded with one of the best books I've read this year. I chose my current book, LaRose, because of its utterly compelling story line. 

It's been freeing for me to stop overthinking and being so apprehensive, and just do things because I want to. I can also see the dangers in too much self-rewarding and not thinking about consequences, but I'm tired of being afraid, worried, and petrified. I'm going to just Do It Now and be happier.