Today is the discussion day for our Read With Us spring selection, How to Say Babylon by Safiya Sinclair. Kym, Carole, and I are each posting a discussion question or two on our blogs today, and you are welcome to respond in the comments. I would also encourage you to reply to others' comments if you choose. This is a book discussion, after all, so there are no correct answers or right opinions. I've been looking forward to discussing this book ever since I finished it, and I don't know of a better bunch of people for a book discussion than all of you.
Here are my questions: Esther, mother to Shari, Ife, Lij, and Safiya, plays a dual role as both enabler of her husband Howard's strict rules and protector of her children. Is Esther's character more admirable for her protection and resilience or more flawed for her complicity? How does this duality reflect on the broader dilemma parents face in difficult circumstances?
As parents to two sons, John and I almost always tried to present a "united front" and come to an agreement on how and why we were raising and disciplining the boys. But I know there were instances where we had to compromise and times that both of us felt that we were enforcing rules we didn't completely agree with. The safety, mental health, and well-being of our children were always primary, but oftentimes parenting means treading a fine line between enabling rules and protecting your children from rules you may not wholeheartedly support. So how do you think Esther did?
I'll be glad to share my thoughts about these questions tonight during our Zoom discussion. These questions on our blogs and the Zoom discussion are your chance to express your ideas. So what do you think? I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
The in-person Zoom discussion will be at 7:00 pm Eastern this evening. If you haven't RSVP'd to Kym already you can send me an email (the email address is in the upper right) and I will make sure you get an invitation with the Zoom link. I hope to see you there!
I really struggled with how I thought about the author's mother. I want to believe that her commitment to her beliefs guided her deference to the father, at least initially, but I also felt that she could have stood up for her daughters much more than she did.
ReplyDeleteI also had trouble understanding Esther and the actions she condoned by her husband, but she was also subject to his violence and control. Kat makes an excellent point that it is really the failure of any religion that allows people to treat children and women as objects and with violence. I think maybe she did the best she could under the circumstances.
DeleteOof... Esther. How to fail at motherhood over... and over... and over. I realize that I come to this discussion with a very different view than others will have. I had to stop listening several times... it was so hard to listen to and so many memories were overwhelming. But rather than focus on the failure of Esther... perhaps the better question is the failure of any "religion" that says women are things for men, that a woman's entire purpose in life is to be her man's "thing"... his thing to feed him, wash and iron his clothing, to produce offspring for him... and yes, his thing to abuse if he wants to. That is what I think has failed so many societies... religion.
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of Safiya... what amazing courage to write her story. I am not that courageous... I am 63 years old and I still can't say the things out loud that happened to me. Her bravery was so compelling to me... so inspiring.... and her words hold so much hope. And the ending... just wow.
I think Esther did the best she could under the circumstances (being Rastafarian and with no money or outside support), but you make an excellent point about the failure of any religion or belief system that treats women, children, and other human beings as objects. That is the main problem and Esther had nowhere to turn even if she disagreed with the violence towards herself and her children. The things that are perpetrated in the name of religion ...
DeleteFor me, this is THE question of the book . . . I thought about this with every page, actually. Like you and John, Tom and I tried to present a united parenting front when our kids were growing up. Sometimes it was harder to do than other times - for both of us - but we generally succeeded. And I do think that's important to do. BUT. When there are such extremes - and violent punishments - going on in a household, it feels . . . not right. That said, Esther was under the Rastifarian "thumb" herself, and had to tread very carefully. I think she did what she could in a fraught situation -- and without any support for herself. Listening to some of the interviews with Safiya as I prepared for our discussion, she has nothing but praise for her mother -- and a deep love and appreciation for her. Great question, Bonny. With so much to discuss!
ReplyDeleteI don't think I can sit in judgment of Esther's parenting, even though I certainly disagree with things that she condoned (even if that was by doing nothing). As you said, she was also Rastafarian and with no support, so the religion and system were something she believed in, even if she didn't support the violence and extremes of her husband. She had no money and no other people she could go to if she disagreed with or chose to defy her husband, so I really do think she did the best she could in the situation.
DeleteI find it difficult to judge Esther's parenting. I wanted her to stand up for her children and at the same time understood that as a Rastafarian, she was bound to serve her husband. Both Esther and her children belonged to her husband and were meant to serve his needs. It would have been difficult for her to break away due to poverty and lack of support.
ReplyDeleteLike I said last night, I wish I had worded the question in a better way. We should not sit in judgment of her parenting, especially because I think she did the best she could given the religion, poverty, and lack of resources. Safiya's childhood was less than ideal for so many reasons. but she has come through it to become the writer she is today.
DeleteI admired Esther almost all the way through the book. Even though she followed the Rasta way, her loving, indulgent mothering -- nature walks, poetry, plenty of hugs and sympathy -- made me wish she were my mother. At the same time, I understood her inability to stand up to her husband's tyranny over the children.
ReplyDeleteI can't exactly say that I admired her, but she certainly did the best she could, and oftentimes much more. As she was a woman and Rastafarian herself, she was an object meant to serve her husband. It's a shame that so much control and violence had to figure into it.
DeleteI was conflicted on Esther. I really wish she stood up for her children but understand that following her husband and the Rastafarian way held her to do what her husband wanted.
ReplyDeleteAs a woman with little control over her life and very little money or support, Esther did as well as possible (even if she had to be high to cope)!
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