This has been a challenging week. I'm not sure why I had deluded myself into thinking things would get better, or at least there would be less time for high-handed judgments and name-calling as we all buckled down to the serious business of running the country and carrying out our responsibilities as citizens, but that has definitely not been the case.
We need to be able to carry on conversations with each other, ones where we respect the other person as a human being and really listen. In my experience, that isn't even close to happening. This week I've been told to keep my opinions to myself if I'm speaking against the President, that my knitting was degrading to women, and that I'm just a terrible person. These comments were from friends and family, and happened when I was simply expressing my respect and appreciation of Obama without even mentioning the current President. The comment about my knitting was completely surreal because I was working on a Pussyhat, which I wouldn't have been knitting at all if Trump had not made degrading comments towards women. Maybe I am a terrible person, but now I'm also mad as hell.
I've tried, but I can no longer accept the personal attacks aimed towards me, my opinions, and for heaven's sake, what I choose to knit. The fact that these attacks came from people I considered friends and family just plain hurt, a lot. Maybe it's because I was feeling a bit raw and emotional, but I'm done with tears and now I'm glad these people told me how they really felt. I'm not ready to make nice; I'm certainly not ready to back down, and I can't just get over it. I sincerely thank them for the reminder that I should never resort to name-calling, for making my skin a little thicker, and inspiring me to be even more ready for the work ahead.
How I wish I could respond as eloquently as Bertrand Russell.
I think you need to surround yourself with nicer people. I don't interact with many people so my feathers aren't ruffled. However, I sit and stare at newsfeeds (and twitter) and wonder "how" "why". I'm rolling my eyes.
ReplyDeleteAnyways here's a big hug from me to you :) You are not alone.
I've had similar experiences this week. I've been proud of myself for being able to respond in a measured and coherent manner. But I also know that can't last - I'm ready to take someone down any minute. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI agree! It has been all I can do to not really "let go" and let them have it big time. I've bitten my tongue so many times, it is really sore - ha!
DeleteLinda in VA
Right on, I have always liked that Dixie Chicks song in more ways than one.
ReplyDeleteThe Bertrand Russel article is so true and eloquent, yes I do wish (sometimes) I could speak like that.
And, my verbal outcries have been simple and few -- I am unsettled in the inside and know I need peace from somewhere.
So one way is goodwill and freedom of speech!
There are more ways than one to skin a cat, or knock a bird out of a bush with a stone, or . . . your favorite cliche here _____.!
Thanks Bonnie, I'm with you or beside you.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I have family and friends who voted for Trump (quite a few, actually, in this neck of the woods) and while I don't agree with their choice we have been at least able to discuss it rationally. Or, if that's not possible, we just talk about other things. I'm grateful that no one has been mean or attacked me because of my choice to support Obama and vote for Clinton and I wish that had been your experience, too.
ReplyDeleteI've had similar experiences with a few friends and I think I responded in an assertive manner without putting anyone down. On a more positive note, I've met a new friend who approached me after this interaction to thank me for speaking up; she said she had been too fearful to mention her opposition to Trump. I have not been handling my emotional response to his actions very well at all-it has been keeping me up at night. I am just so worried about our country! I'm with you, Bonnie.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so sad and so angry. Not that trumpenfuhrer is not encouraging this type of behavior - he being the sole of kindness and big heartedness and all. However, please know that you are not alone - not in your anger, not in your frustration, not in your dislike of what is being perpetuated in the White House - there are 65 million of us. And, we are mighty! It also gives me such comfort that the Obama's gave us words of encouragement before leaving office - Michelle's words "when they go low, we go high" ring in my ears daily. President Obama's assurance that he is with us, how he has not left us, and that he is one of us feel like a mantle to draw around me when the nastiness closes in. And, the conviction that they knew and made sure to share these crucial statements with us before leaving office gives me strength to hold my head up. We are not alone and we are indeed mighty! This is why the followers of the Liar in Chief are so vocal - they are like rats on a sinking ship, or a wounded animal.
ReplyDeleteSending you peace, strength, and solidarity XOXO
I'm so sorry, Bonny. These are, indeed, troubling times -- and only compounded by having friends and family feel empowered to belittle and question your thoughts and actions! Please know that you are NOT alone. We stand in solidarity. We will continue to resist. Our numbers are increasing. We just need to keep going high! XOXO
ReplyDeleteBonny! We are here for you. My office is full of "them", but my social life is full of people who want to do good in this world and who know how to make it happen! Do not become disheartened. By standing your ground and saying your piece you give us all the strength to unite. Thank you! (obama.org - I feel we have solid foundation to rally round when he returns!)
ReplyDelete"This week I've been told to keep my opinions to myself if I'm speaking against the President, that my knitting was degrading to women, and that I'm just a terrible person. " No you should not, no it is not, and no you are not. Love, the Universe.
ReplyDeleteKim, this letter from The Universe has made my day, and I thank you immensely!
DeleteWow. "I can't just get over it" either.
ReplyDeleteBonny, I am so sorry you have had this experience, and I must admit that I have not, but simply because I don't say anything to anyone except my husband about all this. It may sound cowardly, but I know I am not going to change their minds, and I am likely to start a row, which is very bad for my mental and physical health and changes nothing. I truly have decided that nothing but personal catastrophe will make Drumpf supporters see the light. They are not basing anything on logic, it's all emotion. I live in a red state, and I am surrounded by them.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are not a terrible person! Anyone who would suggest such a thing based on your personal politics is either a simpleton or hateful. I wouldn't even tell a Trump supporter that s/he was a terrible person, just misguided or ignorant regarding the issues. As Obama would say, that is wrong-headed thinking. Cheer up, there are more of us than there are of them, and I predict there will be more of us over time. This will not end well for a lot of people.
Thank you for your wonderfully supportive comment! I do think you're right that we will not change his supporters minds, so we can ignore the wrong-headed thinking, surround ourselves with better people, and continue on with the phone calls, postcards, and actions to make change a reality.
DeleteI totally understand! I've been told (by family members no less) - to get over it, stop being a sore loser and a crybaby - I've been called a snowflake - told I must have a boring life if I continue to be so concerned about this - and on and on. And the comments I've seen about the "kitty cat" hats... and the Women's March - and so on - sicken me to my core! One photo my brother sent on FB was of a woman in the military - and the caption was - this is how "real women" march! Say what!!! All of those women that marched ARE REAL women (and I'm sure there were many of them there that were/are in the military. Arghhh! Makes me so angry! I sometimes feel I'm living in another universe these days. And then I come to my knitting blogs and find other people who feel the way I do - and I relax and breathe and feel thankful to have them here - on the other side of my computer!!
ReplyDeleteLinda in VA
I'm so sorry that you have been attacked. This is not the United Stated that the Founder's wanted to create. It isn't the country my parent's and grandparent's worked and fought for. I keep trying to remind myself that the country lived through Andrew Johnson, The Dred Scott debacle, and other events in our history that are so awful to look back on and contemplate, but it isn't helping as I watch our "Commander in Tweet" act this week. It doesn't help that I'm also housebound having badly sprained an ankle, but I will stop worry that it's just my ankle making "unwilling to make nice". I will be polite. I will be present. I will not be silent. Even if all I do is wear my pussyhat in public.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, Melissa. You are so right that this is not the US that the Founders envisioned, and I'm ashamed. I do hope your ankle is healing, and I applaud your resolve to be polite and present but not silent. We'll be wearing our pussyhats together in public.
DeleteOh Bonny - I'm so sorry about what you've experienced. (and I loved the Russell Bertrand article - "I feel obliged to say that the emotional universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from association between us.") but wow! the comment thread here is AMAZING. Truly, the association among all of us affirming, fruitful and sincere. Hugs, M.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about those...people. I was shocked that my uncle actually commented negatively to Dan on a picture Marielle's mom posted of them at the march in Asheville. He doesn't even know her! Those Dixie Chicks...they know their stuff! xo
ReplyDeleteAfter the initial shock of the election, I've mostly been pretty demoralized with some of the hateful behavior of people who support 45's (my new name for him!) thinking. I'm also incredibly encouraged by the fabulous people who are firmly anti-fascism and full of love and peace. I think there are more of us than there are of them, we just need to stand strong.
ReplyDelete