Today I'm taking my virtual fountain pen in hand to tell you about an event, share some good news, and let you know about a deal you might not be able to resist. Let's open the mail ...
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Dear Hawkeye Services,
John and I are not terribly social people, so you can imagine how excited I was to be invited to the above event. It turns out that the gala event had to be rescheduled and is happening today. You don't specify whether the dress is casual, formal, or maybe even black tie, so I hope we don't wear the wrong thing.
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Dear Mr. Nelson Bruce,
The receipt of this mail did spur inquisition, but I have a few questions before I send you my details. First, I'm wondering why you might be sending me US $2 million from the compensation fund? I don't believe the British government owes me anything, but if you want to pay me my $2 million from the 1st category "A" of the payment manifest, as this has been ordered by the UK Supreme Court, please go right ahead. I would certainly welcome it, especially because I know you want to avoid possible impairment of the British image. I also wonder why you are forced to use a hotmail email address? I would have expected something a bit more official. But thank you for the offer and your sincere congratulations; I hope to see a deposit in my bank account any day now.
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Dear Dead Japanese Maple Guy,
What a deal! I appreciate you offering this dead tree for free, but I'm sorry I won't be able to take advantage of your fine item. You describe it as used, fair condition, which seems a bit generous for a dead tree. I'm not a woodcarver, an artist that needs a dead tree, and I don't have a big birdcage to put it in to display my bird carvings on it, but I'm sure someone has already snapped up this beautiful dead Japanese maple by now. I can only hope you will have more dead trees or other valuable items to offer in the future.
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I hope you have some fun events of your own this weekend, a chance at an unexpected windfall, and maybe there is even a lovely dead maple tree in your future.
Thank you for starting off my days with some laughs! Have fun at your gala! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI always love your letter posts and this one made me laugh!
ReplyDeleteSewer Scoper's, Unbelievable (no really... absolutely unbelievable) Windfalls, and Dead Trees (Is there a Dead Tree Society?)
ReplyDeleteOnly from the letters of Bonny! LOL
LOL - like everyone else, a great start to a Friday. Just think of how you can enhance your stash once your windfall arrives!! Hahahahaha
ReplyDeletewho gives away a dead tree?? hm. I'm hoping you pass your stress test with flying colors!!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to see that the quality of your mail mirrors mine! You would think that these folks would put a little more effort into their correspondence. At least put it on some impressive stationary and use grammar/spell check. And for goodness sakes, the UK hasn't had a high commission since India became independent, have they? However, the dead tree is a new one on me. What on earth? Thanks for making me smile this morning, Bonny. Have a fabulous weekend.
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me smile. I hope you enjoy the gala event. As for the dead tree, I am at a bit of a loss.
ReplyDeleteYour letters certainly made me smile and brightened my mood. After nearly two weeks with very wonky internet service and having to explain the problem to repair guys four times this week, I really needed your letters to cheer me up! It seems like everything is working now and I hope it stays that way!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the letters could brighten things a bit for you. It's so frustrating explaining things multiple times to multiple repair people. I've had to do this for car repair, and I'm often sure they're thinking that I'm just a crazy woman. Fingers crossed that your internet stays fixed!
DeleteOMG, Bonny. I am dying here. These letters have added some sunshine to an otherwise gloomy, rainy, and cold Saturday. Thanks so much. (And I really hope you and John had a wonderful time with the Sewer Scope Technician!) XO
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