Today I'm taking my virtual fountain pen in hand to tell you about my relationship with a bank, a contest winner, a special reminder letter to myself, and a thank you. Let's open the mail ...
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Dear PNC Bank,
Congratulations! You've thought of a new way to irritate your customers. When I got the letter this week asking me to make an appointment to come in to sign a new signature card for my checking account, I thought you were kidding. When I called to ask why I might need to do this, the person on the phone said it was an FDIC requirement. Then I asked why the signature card I signed when I opened the account 33 years ago was no longer valid, and the person on the phone again replied that it was an FDIC requirement. I didn't see the point in harassing the poor person on the phone any longer when it was clear they didn't know why, so I made an appointment for next week. But guess what, I'm still not inclined to sign a new signature card at the appointment unless someone can give me a good reason why I'm doing this. I know this sounds like a stupid small thing, but I can't forget that you are the bank that made me sign home equity loan papers as Bonnie H. Becker aka Bonny H. Becker because you had misspelled my name and that was the only way you could come up with to correct your mistake.
Sincerely,
Bonnie H. Becker aka Bonny H. Becker
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Dear Justin,
Congratulations on your winning entries in the Pants Destruction Challenge Contest as the "person that is hardest on their pants in the course of their job"! The judges have previously seen holes in the knees and a few tiny tears, but this is the first time they've seen a pair of pants ripped this extensively. You gained extra points with the damage to the back of the pants, too, after your mother had patched them once. What really made you the clear winner is that you also entered a pair of jeans that are ripped in almost exactly the same way. We are not quite sure how you managed to do this, but maybe be a little careful with the pants after your mother attempts to patch them yet again (or consider buying some new pants).
Sincerely,
The Pants Destruction Challenge Contest
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Dear Bonny,
When you agree to do something, please carefully consider whether you will actually want to do the thing when the time comes, or if it will be something that you complain about for two weeks afterward. You've done this before and it has ended poorly, so take careful note and if it ends badly again, make sure this is the last time you do it.
Sincerely,
Bonny (because you seem to pay more attention when things are written down)
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To Whom It May Concern,
Thank you for the beautiful skies.
Sincerely,
Me
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Wishing you all a good weekend!
Once again you've had me laughing out loud! The sky pictures are gorgeous and Justin's jeans are too, too funny. PNC Bank? Glad I don't bank there.....
ReplyDeleteGreat letters as always! I can totally relate to the one you wrote to yourself. And those pants - Dale did something similar to a favorite pair a few years ago and I'm still not sure how!
ReplyDeleteI eagerly await your mailbag posts, Bonnie H. Becker aka Bonny H. Becker. (And you never, ever disappoint.) Just fyi . . . I have NOT been contacted by PNC to sign a new signature card (but then, I've only had my account for 26 years, so maybe it's not "time" yet???). But Justin's pants! Oh my goodness. (Good luck with that.) And I think I'll just print out your letter to yourself . . . cross out your name, and insert my own. Because happens ALL the time, and never ends well. Thanks for sharing your mailbag! XO
ReplyDeleteI love Friday letters! However, this time I would suggest a revision:
ReplyDeleteDear Justin, the heck with the pants, what about your personal safety?!?! Those tears are in some pretty significant territory. Please be careful around tools and machinery. And perhaps wear a cod piece.
banks are awful. Our pnc makes you scan a qr code right in front of the person you have an appointment with and click verify appointment.....wth? I'm right there, I'm there... I love how no matter what you are there for they want to sell you something, a new credit card or make an appointment with their investors.
ReplyDeleteAh, don't you just love unnecessary red tape? I went into my local PNC branch a couple of weeks ago to get into my safe deposit box and discovered that you now have to have an appointment (which you can make on site, but still). I sat there for a good 10 minutes while the employees chatted with each other, and when someone finally helped me, they were amazed that I only wanted to get into my box and had to wait. Seriously? I told them why I was there when I walked in and when I registered for an appointment. Seems like a lot of administrative stuff for no purpose.
ReplyDeleteThat last letter is spot on.
ReplyDeleteBonnie H. Becker aka Bonny H. Becker writes the best letters on the planet! I am laughing so hard at some of these and, like Kym, I am printing out the letter to yourself (to myself) for me.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your brilliant writing skills, your way with wit, and a son who is a winner in every category, but most especially the Ultimate Pants Destruction Challenge Contest!
You write the best letters. Justin and those pants - for heaven's sake. I think it is time for a new pair. I too am copying the letter you wrote to yourself. Writing something down does seem to make more of an impression in my memory. The sentiment is right on.
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